Why is it that when some asshole gets a role that I want, I just blow it off saying luck, but when one of my friends that I actually respect gets some role (or anything - job, toys, sex), I get incredibly jealous and reserved. Shouldn't good people be the ones receiving rewards? I believe so. I wish everyone who worked hard and were talented did get cast (or employed, entertained, laid). I say this in theory, but for some reason, it makes me feel really strange when my friends - good friends whom I've been talking with for a while now - are succeeding, and I'm... well. Not.
Then again, when assholes get roles, I feel pretty shitty too. But, laying on the stage yesterday, waiting for some monologue to be over, I had a bit of an epiphany. Or at least a reconfiguring of my thoughts. I'm going to try and be a nice guy. Sure, I won't be a complete nice person if someone kicks me in the face, and I'm never going to buckle.. but if someone's doing something I don't personally agree with (but is legal, etc.) then whatever, it's not part of my life, and I don't need to worry about it. Just keep going!
In that style, going to look at some auditions coming up.
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It sucks more when your friends succeed precisely because you can't just write it off as luck. Not that it actually sucks of course, but I think that's where those feelings come from. Knowing that it's deserved gives more grounds for jealousy.
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