Friday, May 30, 2008

4 more shows...

Custom Made offered me a (quite plum) role of Richard in A New Brain. Now, Brian and I got along fine last year, but we weren't the best of friends, and we both knew it. Assassins turned out to be a pretty fantastic show, and I'm really happy to be a part of that artwork; it was a really good experience for me and I learned a lot, and made some cool new friends. I'm really happy they offered it to me, and I would have taken it if not for the gobs of scheduling issues that came up with my second job, not to mention the want to take a short break; I'd have to start on Tuesday.

That being said, I left the window open and said if I was their only hope, I would love to do the role and we could make it work. So it still might happen. If not, I'm sure it'll happen for me sometime in the future; the part is really good for me. And they came to be out of the blue, so I know I'm on their mind. BLAH BLAH BLAH ACTOR BLAH BLAH BLAH. Is this how Actors sound? Am I turning into an Actor? It feels that way sometimes. So for the rest of this post, there will be no more usages of the word 'I.' How's that for a challenge?

Of course, there's really not much more to say, so the rest of the post could be quite short. Had a conversation with Monica last night that turned into somewhat of a Conversation; one of those that your parents had when you were little, one that you were sure was a fight, but they assured you it was a Conversation, you know, one of those? It's silly, we haven't seen each other in a few days, and our schedules are really horrible right now, and we still manage to get down and disagree. Not even disagree really... we're just a little ragged right now; we need some rest.

It is great to see her though. It's been a tough month in general with the show and other factors coming in, even last night's Conversation was more subdued... things are changing, and can work through whatever's bogging down our minds and become a better couple. For example, Indiana Jones this weekend! What could bring a couple together better than that?!

Other than that, 4 more shows. There's nothing in the world that is better than those few words. What's funny is that no one will miss this. In almost every show, there is always someone who gets teary at the end of the run and is honestly broken up about the whole thing; not this - not one person is sad about Sunday. Plus there's a cast party, the reason why theatre was invented!

That's it! Time to work.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

A few days of busy

Finally calming down here a little bit; Leah's getting back from her trip today, temp's gone, just watched an episode of Jack of all Trades on life is okay right now. Yesterday, I'm very certain she fucked something up, but I'm okay with living that I'll have to deal with that sometime today, just so that right now is calm and cool, and that when Leah comes in, I can go and get something to eat.

So! Lots of stuff has happened since I was last around. My weekend was full of plays, and my days were full of gaming; went through I guess more than half of Half Life 2, got my ass kicked in Team Fortress 2, and beat Portal again - not to mention the LOTRO playing I was able to do! It was a good gaming weekend. The only reason it wasn't the Best Weekend Evar is because Monica was out of town for the parts I mostly had free; Karey and Nick were married this weekend in Vegas! So sad I couldn't go, but tremendously happy for them now that they're together and had a rockin' time. I love Vegas, and was immediately jealous and frustrated that I couldn't go, but was happy that Monica had a great time there! Apparently we're going back soon :D

What else... I went to see Jacques Brel is Alive and Well and Living in Paris on Tuesday. It was a good show, not terrific, but then again, I'm not a fan of revues and this one held my attention, so that's good. The best part of the evening, however, was getting Kai to go! I haven't seen him in 2 years! And he went! And we picked up where we left off in our friendship like we had never left. It was awesome. Plus he new the director, so I was able to meet him and say how the show made a revue almost lover out of me. Not as crass as that, but you know. Saw some friends there that night as well; I think they liked it better than I did, but as I said, I'm not a super big fan of the genre.

SO! Nothing much else to report, just been slugging along. I have an audition on Monday that I'm learning a new piece for - something Cassidy gave me. It's very good, but I don't have it down yet; I'll work on it at lunch fo shizzie.

And. That's. It.

Saturday, May 24, 2008


Yay! I get to see Indiana Jones between shows! This almost lies up for
the fact I'm totally over this show and concord in general. Sure hope
this is good...

But hell, what else could it be? It's practically built for people
like me. No popcorn today; I'm happy I resisted. Tim got a hot dog and
popcorn and a rockstar. They smell great, and I don't feel like its my
place to steal any until he offers.

Friday, May 23, 2008

Why I hate memorial day

We could go through all the bullshit about how people don't really see
Memorial Day and honor it like they should; I'm all for supporting our
fallen troops, just not war in general. What I really hate, truly,
deeply is the traffic on the Friday.

I've been sitting here for 15 minutes and I'm not even on the highway.
Cone on people, at least wait till rush hour is over to start heading
north to yuppie territory.

The Happening (not by M. Night Shymalan

(Before starting this post, meebo signed me off, stupid meebo.)

It's finally happened. We all knew it would, but I never thought it would be this quick. Bonny left about 2 weeks ago, and I've been working alone (now with a temp) for a little bit now. Leah's on vacation until Thursday, and here I am. I would be fine without a temp; I would just take no lunch or put it on night phones. Whatever, I don't care. But since we have this (getting better) dumb temp, I've been roped in to being responsible for this place, yes, this very same soul sucking place that I've talked about many a time.

Why do I feel this way? Why do I worry about how this office would be? Calling in sick is not an option any more, that's the problem. When I lose the ability, nay, the thought of calling in sick in my own mind, I know something's snapped and I need to get out of here. This is how it happened:

I woke up this morning, surprisingly tired, definitely in need of rest; this play has been catching up more and more to my limit of tiredness. It was an issue I brought up when originally hired here: sometimes I would just need time off to rest as well as time for shows. It's approaching that time (probably next Friday, I'd imagine). Anyway, my headache/migraine from last night was still there, subdued by sleep and healing. The usual thought that goes through my head on any day is "wonder if I'm going to work today" but on days where I even have a slight pain, I call in sick. Today, none of those thoughts ran through my head. My first thought was, Time to get there, to deal with this idiot. What happened to me? What happened to my freedom of mind?

Obviously, I've been here too long, and need to be gone. However, some strange force is prohibiting me from quitting as well; I'm the only admin here, and I actually respect Leah as a person, so no just up and quitting. That is, unless I get a job at a theatre or in a film or at a film or ANYWHERE ELSE THAT MAY PAY BETTER. Then again, it would be hard leaving her in the lurch, but it's what we have to do in life. But still, there's this stupid nagging feeling. All the more reason to Get The Fuck Out Of Here.

Also, I'm going to lunch with granpa today, that's fun.

Also, cast list for Seussical is up; obviously I can't do it, but Monica got Sour Kangaroo! Excellent excellent excellent role for her! And a bunch more of my friends are involved with the show, including Kacie as Gertrude and Kelly as Mrs. Mayor! Wonderful! I'm so happy for them, and sad I can't be involved with the show.

Thursday, May 22, 2008


Tim makes some odd noises. And no, that wasn't going for a cheap laugh; since I've been driving with him almost every night this week to the Willows, I've noticed some weirdness. Not just the stuff I've known all my life - the fact that he breathes WAY too loudly through his nose, for example - but little other noises that come to light when he doesn't notice.

There's the times when he breathes in quickly, and its like he's going to say something, and then doesn't. It's a weird sound.

Then there's the sound of a cork coming off a bottle of wine. I hear that every night.

I think I'm in an house of alcoholics.

Temps and Fires

Finished Transformers yesterday. There might be a review of it later, there might not. I might not want to spend that much more time in my mind about the hilarious waste of a movie that was. So glad there was no actual money spent on that.

What to say what to say... eating the rest of my Macho Burrito from Mi Pueblo. It's quite excellent. Can't believe how good it is even after a day and a half sitting in the fridge; just a little soggy around the edges, but you know what? I kinda like that anyway. Gotta go there more often.

Just realized that Firefox doesn't say 'gotta' is a misspelling. Thought that was a misspelling, but I did it anyway. Whatever.

Obviously, not much to say today. We have our temp, Veda, for the next four days, and that'll be a good time when she's gone. She's a nice enough person, but boy howdy is she annoying. Semi annoying? Mostly semi annoying, to edit. She's a nice enough person, but I now realize that even though I'm not a genius in anything really... I am a lot smarter and more intuitive than some people. It's a strange feeling, and it makes me feel superior, which makes me feel a little bad about myself, which in turn makes me feel better about feeling bad about myself, which fills me with more strange feelings.

But whatever about that. Today we had the phone presentation about our new phone system at work. Now, you know me and my attitude towards work. It ranges from apathy to hatred. This new tech, however, has made me uncharacteristically excited. Like, absurdly so. I get another monitor (!) as well as a lot more free space on my desk; the new phones are MUCH smaller than the old ones, as well as the switchboard being thrown out. Also there's a huge amount of other goodies that goes with it, like call forwarding, direct numbers, and other shit that I've immediately forgotten but will discover in the process of forwarding people to the wrong places. It should be awesome.

Sadish news: I'm going to have to decline Horton. Stapleton requires a fee to perform in their productions, and that's just a line I'm not going to cross when it comes to my profession. High and mighty yeah, but it's just something I can't do if I want to call myself a professional actor.

And I'm sending positive energy out there for my friend Jenny; her house is burning down in the wildfires. Please stay safe.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Working on my powers of invisibility.

When early to work in the morning, I usually keep the door locked until 8, just so I don't have to worry about any vagabonds coming in. Also, so I know when to look like I'm busy when people enter. It also gives me time to go, get oatmeal ready, get some coffee, you know, the usual stuff that happens in the morning. It also gives me time to distract myself from the fact that I'll probably be sitting down for 9 hours today. Oh great, now I just reminded myself of that... cue horrible depression...

Anyway, this morning, Roy, quite possibly the oldest Old Man here, comes walking to the door. He's a nice Old Man, very loud on the phone, very quiet sometimes, but does make some very funny statements. He also is the loudest sneezer and nose blower I've ever heard. It's quite amazing. Today, he came in while I was sitting on my computer, but had forgot to unlock the door; it was 8:05 EXACTLY.

Standing outside, Roy was fumbling for his keys in his bag, as I walked around my desk and to the door. He found his keys, and were putting them into the lock as I unlocked the door and walked back to my desk. Roy continued the unlocking process, walked in the door, and attempted to unlock the lock. When looking at the door, he noticed it was fully unlock, wherein he went outside and checked to see if the door was open. It was.

I had no idea my invisibility was on this morning, but I'm certainly glad it's improving.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

An Equation

We have a calculator problem at work.

Probably once every month, 12 calculators are ordered. Then they disappear and more and more people keep looking for calculators.

So, let's figure this out: I've been here 15 months, and with 12 calculators every month, that means I've ordered... wait... were's my calculator?

O! Oatmeal!

O! Look! It is healthy oatmeal!
I chose you over the other kind.
You are to be my new cereal!
To keep keen my heart and mind.

I fill my bowl with two packets,
Hot water, give it a stir.
My spoon moves quickly; hard to track it,
It moves with a blur.

I thickens quickly, to my delight,
And then begins to thicken.
My heart jumps at the sight,
And then begins to quicken.

One bite, the apple taste to my lips,
This breakfast treat is to be envied!
Two bite, the taste is gone, a flip
From the steaming bowl, once envied.

"Two packets is too much!" I scream, I shout,
"This substance is much too thick!
O, starving Africans must think me a lout,
For throwing this concoction out quick!"

I hang my head in shame, for what I know now
Is that I should have started small,
The reason it is "Weight Control," (wow!)
Is because it tastes like ass, if at all.

Monday, May 19, 2008


Brains are funny things. Lying this morning, snuggled all neatly, my mind completely kept me away from the notion that I had to go to work today. For about a half an hour, I had a completely peaceful half sleep where I didn't even worry about the day or having to get up or the summer class thing or grad school or plays or being stressed out in a play I don't want to be in anymore, just to worry about wrapping my arms around my lovely girl. It was a really beautiful way to start today. When reality set in, I wasn't mad or frustrated or even cranky, I realized that my mind had given me a present; a wonderful half hour treasure of no worries or cares.

Needless to say, I'm a little more chipper today than I normally would be, and it's apparent to people walking in. Maybe my "hello"s are too bright, or my face doesn't have the usual scowl that appears at 8 in the morning, but it's making other have either very awkward reactions or a brighter start to their day. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to be like this every day, but it's a little different and fun. Thank you brain.

So! Bought the Orange Box for PC yesterday and downloaded it all night last night and was able to jump in a quick match of Team Fortress 2 this morning, promptly getting my ass handed to me by the master players. There really isn't a tutorial thing, is there? I had no idea what was going on, how to use the controls, or what to do. It was pretty awesome, but I would like more tutorial stages please. I look forward to beating portal again, and starting on some Half Life 2. Excellent times, these games. And a FANTASTIC deal on the price. They did some marketing right there.

Officially turned down the moscow art summer academy. I was excited for it, but I think I wanted my summer to myself, and I don't know if I need more stanislavski right now, since, you know, I studied it for four years and at the end wanted to destroy the method forever. Time has passed since then, which is why I didn't outright refuse it... I just want more time to play. I'm actually having a good time, believe it or not.

Huh, just saw an article about someone in TBA. Someone who fills me with rage. THAT put me in my old mood. Hooooray! Now Ben, not everyone can be cockteases, you just didn't get lucky in the gene pool; the only ones that really matter are the blondes with big boobies. You're right, inner self, you're right.

Wow, that's a sour note to end on. Um. Okay, I got something that'll make you feel better: cherry pies.

Friday, May 16, 2008

6 crazy weeks

Not sure if Boston is where I'm going to be this summer. The staff (one person?) has been very weird about information: giving me wrong dates for the tuition payment, saying there are scholarships, then giving me information about payment plans, and when I ask a question, they say I need to turn in a headshot and another $50 fee for the program. It would probably be a grand adventure, yes, but for the most part, the reason why I would want to go is to stop working here. And that's not a very good reason at all. I should go somewhere, to something that I want to go to, not just a place that will get me away from this area.

Granted, I've been sick of Marin for a while. But there is a lot of good about it, and I am relatively happy here. I have good friends (most of which are moving, but that's beside the point) and good family. My job is soul sucking, yes, but it's not terrible, and there's plenty of time for me to go on the aethernet and spend my time doing nothing/looking for other jobs and auditions. And, if my scheme goes according to plan, I might be dropping to part time or 3/4 time anyway, so I can focus more on my acting career, maybe by even *gasp* taking a class or two! I never thought it would come to this... but that's how it's done. Yep.

But anyway. It's just been frustrating lately. As stated before, a ton of my friends are becoming more and more successful and me? Well, I just got a rejection letter for a job that honestly I didn't have in the bag, but still frustrating nonetheless. What's even more frustrating is the fact that I'm honestly not doing that bad, I've been in shows pretty consistently and have a few shows coming up that I'm pretty sure I'll be in. It's a weird time right now, I guess, and there hasn't even been much time for me to pick through this junk in my head; every time I get home and have time to look on the computer and do some research, I end up watching movies or playing games - I do miss my computer. And at work it's no better; there's work at work, and when I'm done with that, do I really want to work and worry about what might happen this fall? No, not really. Top it off, my mom's quitting her job and looking for another one.

It's a good thing for her; that job's been sucking her soul for 7 years now, but it's a dangerous game in this economy. She will find something else, that's for sure - she's a very talented legal secretary - but it's just spooky right now.

Other news. If I do stay around here through the mystical 6 weeks that the program would take up, I want to take a trip out to Denver and see my friends there. Maybe it'll be a spiritual journey through my darkest demons as I take a 20 hour route to get there, or maybe I'll just bite the bullet and grab a plane and rent a car. WHO KNOWS! (Hint: It'll be the second option: Ben needs his comfort.) Anyway, if it happens, it would be fantastic, but if not, whatevs.

Man, I think I do need a dark trip of self discovery to awaken my demons. Or awaken something for god's sake. Either that or an XBox 360. Hm. Both?

Thursday, May 15, 2008

On The Highway

Tim and I are stuck on highway 4 outside of Concord. There are cows,
supposedly, further up. We turned around on the shoulder and were
yelled at by a cop, which spooked Tim into turning around... precious
close to an exit to the highway but he didn't and now we're sitting
farther back then we were before. We were both spooked by this asshole

It just seems to me that a wiser official figure would have understood
that people don't want to be here, and have given some some exit
strategy to get out of here. Now we're here, not exiting the highway,
sitting and waiting for the cows to pass and seeing other cars turn
around to exit the highway.

What a great end to a great day.



Stopped traffic at 9:50pm: best day ever.

Wow Asshole Delivery Man

Asshole alert in the office. This is why I think the meanest people live around here. It's really just misdirected anger; he's probably having a bad day because he's an asshole to everyone, but I'm trying to be professional. It's when he starts yelling at me that I tend to get a little more curt. You know the style.

Anyway, now I have to do his work because he doesn't want to bring it in. What a charming gentleman. It's a good workout, then. I want to punch him and ask why he's being such an asshole and why he can't be nice to people.

Now he's grunting past me saying, "AW, this is heavy!" What a great man. Now I have to work on it. Wow, what a weird experience.


Was crusin' through craigslist yesterday at the show and found this. I applied for it this morning, with a quick email to Will, the other guy at Telltale I've been corresponding with (don't think I got the tester position, but I did say, "if you think I'm better suited for the Admin position, please forward my resume along!" so maybe that'll help). That job will get me ammo to get out of this one; even if it's a lateral move, it will be a move in a direction that I love! To a company that makes things I actually care about. I hope hope hope. So keep me in your thoughts friends.

Lets see... two shows yesterday. I had to work in the morning as well, it was a LONG day. The shows went well, thank you for asking, but the play itself is just so bad that it's really hard to tell if things are going well or not; I think they're approximately the same if the show was going splendidly or horribly - no one in the audience really cares. And who goes to Wednesday matinées in concord anyway? Lots, to tell you the truth, and they loved this show about FDR. People are loving the show. It is very surprising to me. They are also not really digging my scene, but I'm having a good time with it, so I'll eat up the scenery for as long as I can.

One more show tonight, 7:30, not 8, like I thought. That's good, it'll mean we get out earlier, but bad, because, well, it's another show. Man, my attitude needs to change, because my environment certainly won't for another 2 weeks. Let it go, Ben, let it go. Have fun with the fun people in the show. Hm. I was sarcastic there before I really even knew I was being sarcastic.

Alright, going to be productive.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Press thing

I should be starting the review for Beauty and the Beast right now, but I'm not. I'm still waking up, and I agreed to myself that I wouldn't start writing until 8... oh it's 8 right now. Well, I guess I should start. Let's call this a little warm-up then, shall we?

Last night was one of those evenings you really only see in movies. Aside from a few hitches and us being cranky from our days, Monica and I had a terrific time heading down 280 on a beautiful evening to see a really great show! We ended up with an hour and a half to spare before the show started, so we walked over to a local diner - EXCELLENT IDEA. I hadn't had a burger in a while, and this was a good way to get back into the burger world. Monica had some very very fresh fish and chips. Afterwards, frozen yogurt next door, and then on to the play!

My last press thing had been pretty fun, but so far this has blown that out of the water. Lets just say they definetly are a professional theatre. I'm excited about working on this one. Are you, really? Then why aren't you doing it?

Okay, I will!

Monday, May 12, 2008

Movin' on up

Moved over to Bonny's old place this morning. Gotta say, it's pretty nice over here, and no one can see me blogging or playing games or anything like that; she had it cushy for a while. Maybe also this seat will be good luck and find a new job. OH PLEASE OH PLEASE. I miss Bonny already though; we were pretty good pals... I hope we stay in touch, at the very least because she likes beer as much as I do.


That's as far as I got yesterday before all hell broke loose and I was working pretty much all day. That actually brings me a little bit of comfort; I'll be working harder, so the days will go quicker, and with my newfound "only person here" place, I might even be able to get some leverage when it comes to asking for any days off/part time/more money/all of the above. In any case, I do hope we find someone soon, at least part time, so I can get back to complaining about there nothing to do here.

Lets see... nothing much else to report. I tried installing VMware Fusion last night, but the windows partition ran SO slow that I think I need to do something else with the program, like not run 8 billion other ones at the same time. Originally, my goal in setting up VMware was to set up Linux, to see how that looks - just something new to try out, I'm a fan of Leopard. But didn't get that up, and didn't get the file downloaded; 700MB, and I wanted to play some more Sam & Max, so I wanted some free space for that.

Talked to my mum, she's quitting her job soon because they won't let her take time off for her play this summer - she'd be missing 5 weeks. My feeling is that they won't let her take off that time because it's really another job as opposed to a genuine emergency in real life. In that case, I said to her, let me get into a huge disfiguring accident and then you'll have to take care of me! And you can really go to the show, because it'll all be makeup. How fantastic/hilarious sit com would that be?

She didn't quite like the idea. But was sold on talking to her people today and seeing if she can work any thing out. After all, the last time she threatened to quit her job, they pleaded and gave her a raise. I told her to take the raise and still quit later on. That'll how those fuckers! She hates that job anyway. Even more than my situation is.

So. Just found out that 5 of my friends from college are working, full time, at theatres in Chicago. Now, this makes me happy for them, but as usual, very very jealous and surprised that these people have jobs in theatre. If only these directors or whatever knew how hard working and talented I was... but no no. Ben, you gotta calm down, Chicago has a ton of theatre, MUCH more than here, and they are hard workers. It's true. And then I spiral into my loop of why the fuck did I come out here in the first place. And... settling down into depression and bitterness, my good companions who stay with me through thick and thin! Yay.

Something has to change soon or I will explode. But but Ben, didn't you get into this summer program and grad school? Yes, self, I did, but I mean something that I'm not apprehensive about and that wouldn't make me leave the continental US.

Friday, May 9, 2008

Slightly Bemused Look

Ah, and my entry blipped into oblivion... lets try again...

The workers are here again. I can't even fathom what they're doing. This isn't the kind of "can't fathom" that comes with hyper intensity atom colliders, this is the "can't fathom" that comes with "are they actually doing anything up there?" So far, I've been sitting under them as they scrape on a pipe, both making a lot of noise and not doing... anything as far as I can tell. Is it really that workers don't do anything but end up spending hour upon hour of working on pipes? This is wrong, really; after all, the front office got done... wait, they're still WORKING on the front office, when they said it would have been done the first week of March. Charming, isn't it? I'm ready to get out of here.

I think I mentioned before that I played some Lord of the Rings Online on Wednesday. Starting a new character after about a year of not playing was not only fun, but really interesting, coming almost completely fresh from not playing ANY MMOs for the past year-ish. It's a great game, and I can't wait to get back to it sometime this weekend.

Ya see, that's the problem with being in a show, all the little gaming time I HAD is now flushed down the toilet, and LOTRO isn't a game that you can just pick up and play for a few minutes. Well, wait, kinda it is, but I can't really, since I'm not living with my computer at the moment. Anyway. I miss it, a lot, I miss the friends I make online (who are real friends, despite what people may think) and I even miss the weird headaches you get after spending HOURS UPON HOURS playing video games and then have to go out and do something later in the day (ie a show). As I recall, I used to stop those headaches and the logeyness that came from them by taking a walk before my gaming extravaganza, but yesterday I think I made some stupid lame excuse about not finding the sunscreen so of course I can't go out - NOT EVEN FOR A MINUTE! - and walk; too risky.

These workers also are speaking Spanish. I know enough Spanish to know when they're making fun of someone, and they were kinda making fun of me just now. I'm not incredibly annoyed at this because while they fuck around and not do any work at they're job, at least when I fuck around and not do work at my job, I can surf the internet. So there.

I beat Portal. That was fun. I need to get the rest of the Orange Box now. Maybe I'll download Steam this weekend.

And that's it! Moscow still hasn't gotten back to me, so I don't know what I'm going to do about that; I may just not do it all together. I mean, I'm sure it'll be a good experience, but if they're being this disrespectful NOW, I wonder how it's going to be when I get there, alone, inexperienced, and in Boston. I mean, come on. Honestly, I don't know what I'm going to do...

Thursday, May 8, 2008

After My Man Made Weekend

Tuesday and Wednesday were nice. I really needed the rest; one never knows how much one needs sleep until it attacks us violently and says, "Hey, you're going to bed, asshole." Unfortunately, Tuesday I had to get up early to go to the Academy of Art and do a scene I hadn't studied for 4 weeks, or had rehearsed at all, for I had thought the director had fallen of the face of the earth; so incommunicative had he been. It turns out he was in the hospital, so I wasn't that upset, and obviously he needed to get the scene done for his grade... but still, it was annoying, especially how he got a little annoyed when we didn't have our lines down. He's just in a tough place, and I won't hold it against him. I will, however, do less projects there; I'm just not up to missing that much work for so little to do. Such is life! I wish I didn't have to work a full time job and do my art as a hobby, but that's how it is, and that's how I have to live it for now. (Just in case, I hope that wish really does come true and I get a full time acting gig sometime soon.

After the Academy, had a very nice time with Monica - it's rare that we both have time off now a days - and it was nice. Good lunch too, but I think I'm just thinking about lunch right now because my stomach rumbled. It's a walk to panda for me today, I think! Later that evening, I rode with Tim to the second preview, and it was an okay show. After the reaction from the first night, they cut the orderly scene at the end (thank god) but we still had to endure another tedious "Q&A" at the end of the night, where they never have any questions for the cast, only the director, all the questions are stupid, and oh yes, the director pushes them to ask questions, so these people who wouldn't know theatre if it came up, tapped it on the shoulder, gave it helpful suggestions to get to the local grocery store, and then hit them in the face, are giving us suggestions. We, who (mostly) have gone to school for years to work on our art, are being given advice. Brilliant. Since I'm not going to go into the show any more, last night's performance was kinda stupid too. Well, one more: we're having a brush up rehearsal tomorrow (for what reason, I have no idea), and I can't make it. So that's on my mind; I have to talk to the stage manager at lunch and tell them I can't miss any more work than I'm already going to with the matinée performances coming up in the next few weeks.

Anyway. Bonny's leaving tomorrow. I'm going to miss her here, as said before, because she's just so chill. What a good person to have as a coworker. Plus, having her here meant she did all the shit I didn't want to do, and I did all the really complex stuff that took up a lot of time, all in all, it made the days go by pretty quickly (as quick as a weird soul sucking job can go) and we had a good time chatting or just spacing out doing absolutely nothing for the hours upon hours that this job has nothing to do.

Hehe, just got distracted by Grow Cube. What a cute game that is.

Yesterday I slept. For so long. It was amazing. I woke up, drove home, and went back to sleep. Oh man. How much fun that was, I can't even imagine. I needed it. And then I played LOTRO for HOURS. I deleted my old character (Hobbit Minstrel) and made a new one with the same name (Hobbit Hunter) and started over; it had been too long and I couldn't easily jump back in at the same level as my last one. I just have to say, I love being a hobbit. What a wonderful world they've created - I can't wait to try out the bigger places and find a fellowship and rock all that out. I need to make more time in my life for gaming.

Plan for lunch: No walk today (been really lax lately), I need to eat, then call Jamie. Those, at the moment, are more important; I wouldn't want to leave them hanging tomorrow, so soon as possible!

Plan for afternoon: Survive, one day at a time!

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Here I am here I am

Back at the academy of art. I am exceedingly tired, but have the whole
day off in order to not be able to sleep; its gonna be great. At least
I'll be able to get some gaming in and catch up with TV. Okay, better

Monday, May 5, 2008


I've installed Firefox at work. SHH. I'm using it right now to type this. I can't believe I was using IE all this time to do work, when (yes, we all know) Firefox is the superior browser. I don't know why everyone hasn't switched to this wonder of wonders. Geez, even the most barebones thing about Firefox is so much better than IE. TABS! For gods' sake, think of the wonderfulness that is tabs! Wow, I don't mean to sound like a dork, but I actually let out a sigh of relief when I started it up and booted up some bookmarks in tome tabs up there. They're waiting patiently for me, up there, sitting quietly and loving me all the same.

Plus, the only way to play PMOG is through Firefox, so that just took the cake. (It's a good game so far, but I wouldn't really call it a game, just an informational site masquerading as a game. It harnesses the power of the users of the internet to show off what they know and gathering information. It's more like a wiki than anything else. But it's a wiki where you gain experience points, so that's all good. I don't know if I like it yet, but it may grow on me. After all the faux Victorian shit is pretty excellent.)

Ahh, even when I spell words wrong Firefox puts small red lines underneath, as if to say, "Good sir, this is a word unrecognized to me, please, make sure you want to write this!" I love it. I wish I could give it some cake. First of all, I wished I had some cake.


I'm still here. Monica came up with a great idea of me making it through my day (or at least till 4:30; my revised plan) and that I would take the next two days as sick days. Why two do you ask? Well, tomorrow's the film for the Academy of Art (of which the director got back to me after being out of commission for TWO WEEKS) and the next day is the matinée of Campobello. So might as well take the whole day off, hm? I thought so. I'm glad you agree with me, Zigfried. He's such a good butler, and bring me another mimosa.

Just got into a pseudofight. I don't like that, and I don't like having my opinions and ideas being thrown aside like they're nothing. Oh internet, you're my only friend; I really hate people sometimes. Books are good too, I guess. Oh yeah, and gaming. Oh yeah, and... lots of other stuff. But people, not them. Fuck people.

Almost done. 27 minutes left... then a night of horror. OR FUN!

Probably horror.


Lately I've been getting into indie games. Mostly because I haven't been home to play any of the big ones I have (Portal, BioShock, Persona, etc.) and because indie games eat up less memory, and often are browser based, so I can just do them at work with no install necessary. It helps keep me sane.

These are my favorites:

  1. Urban Dead: This game fills any zombie lover's heart with joy; it's a low tech, massive multiplayer survival horror game! You can play on either side of the fight, trying to live and fight the ever increasing hoarde. Alternatively, you can suck brains. And at any point you can switch sides! Incredible. Here's the creator's site.
  2. My Heroes Ability: Yes, it's a facebook app, and yes, you have to log into facebook, but if you're not against the weird social networking site, this game is pretty fun, especially if you're a fan of the show. The game itself takes (lots) of liberties; it is hardly a nuanced form of gameplay, and the free for all areas are often full of bots. What they get out of the game, who knows? Still, if one has a good group of friends, it's a good way to kill time.
  3. Samorost: Actually, this is Samorost 2, but either game can be played first; I started with the second, so naturally I gravitate there. All the environments and characters are hand drawn in this puzzle and rescue game. Excellent design.
  4. Passage: Not browser based, but one of the most excellent games out there. A very simple story; touching and beautiful. Simple graphics, simple music, it invokes something much deeper than the sum of its parts.
  5. The Kingdom Of Loathing: I think I have a type; very simple graphics and design with wonderful gameplay. Plus, you get to make an asshat out of two buns. What other game lets you do that?
  6. Phoenix MUD: Remember MUDs, MOOs, MUSHs? This one started it all for me; they work on any computer, are filled with good people, and are free. If you like reading fantasy (you know, like in book form), this might be a good place to check out. There are bigger, more complex ones out there, but this will always have a special place in my heart.
  7. Typeracer: Racing and typing. Typing to race. Oh man oh man. If I was an asshole teacher back in high school, I would totally use this software instead of Mavis Beacon.
  8. Uh, Go And Find Your Own?: That's where I started, but there is an amazing amount of indie games out there, all to help you through your horrible workday.


All weekend was full of tech rehearsals for Sunrise at Campobello. I'm now convinced that this show is going to be an incredible horror. I've also learned something interesting: all the money that usually would go into a show like this is going into Evil Dead: The Musical; the next show on the agenda at the Willows. As I was bitching to Tim last night (we like bitching on the ride home before we get too tired to talk), they should have just done one good show instead of two medocre ones. The problem with what they've done is that they've split their focus; all their equity contracts have gone into Sunrise, and all the money's gone into Evil Dead. That's not to say non equity actors are bad (I'm one of them, of course), but if you're a theatre who offers equity contracts, it's more likely to get people who are in the field as a profession, rather than something they can afford to push to the side... like most the atrociousness in Sunrise.

That being said, I've made a few good friends and gotten to know some old ones better. There are some genuinely good people, and I really think it's the timing that's bad right now. Right before a show I was never excited about, I always get my crankiest, and take things too seriously when people say things normally. I'm tense right now, haven't slept in so long, and am trying unsuccessfully to make it through a workday. I need rest. I think it's this state that I'm in that makes me weary of going to a full fledged program for 3 years. Do I like theatre enough? Answer: Yes. Also, people like it if you have an MFA. So shut your pie hole. Mmm... I'm hungry.

Update: Check out PMOG. In fact, I might make this blog post a mission. Kisses!

Saturday, May 3, 2008

A mobile post.

I'm a fan if this phone, lets me post wherever the fuck I want to.
That's really all I needed to say; just that I'm happy with this shit.

So. Against advice, I went to my email yesterday to email telltale and
tell them a tale (ha) about how I wasn't prepared and was excited, and
that's why I didn't have what I wanted to day for them. Okay! So cool,
I'll just open up the gmail and write something witty.

Oh man. There was an email from them. Saying they'd call me at 1
unless I told them. Wow, really botched, right? WRONG! It gave me even
more fuel to say I didn't get this email and therefore not really
prepared. More well said than that, ya know.

So I did. Then they got back to me! Will said that since he missed MY
email for the past two days, it only is fair; he even said, "no
worries"! Awesome. Anyway, he answered my questions and asked me some
more... a great sign that this dream job might actually happen. Maybe.
Keep putting it out there in the world for me, guys.

And now back to The World Ends With You.



Oh emm gee.

Friday, May 2, 2008

This is why I have a bootched tag

So after my excitement of Telltale emailing me and wanting an interview and then not calling me, and after me calling them last night eager for a time to talk, Will Armstrong, the head tester, called today and I totally blew it.

Well, wait, not totally. It was more of a minor botch thing; something that would make me seem like an average applicant, not necessarily someone who they would want on their team. Just a guy, not a super guy. We did vary from the normal interview talk to stuff about me, how I'm an actor, etc., but mostly I think it was out of lack of anything else to say.

I honestly don't know what comes over me when I'm at an interview. Even one on the phone. I get exceedingly awkward. I'm not an awkward person, really, it's just all my ideas and things to say jump out the window and I'm sitting there like "der, nottin to say to yer, gob'ner". It's not as bad as that. And it wasn't a bad interview, I have to keep saying that. What I should have said were the questions I had prepared and kept safely on a sheet of paper on my desk, thereby helping me while I'm walking up a hill a half a mile away. Sometimes I'm too smart for myself.

My questions were, in case you were wondering:
  1. What kind of programming do Testers do?
  2. What kind of troubleshooting?
  3. You mentioned customer service, how does that factor in?

But what I did say was:

  1. I'm a big fat dork?
  2. Yes?
  3. Because I didn't prepare?

Moral of the story: Be better prepared, even if you think they're not going to call. Or just wait and tell them to call another time. Or just tell them that you need to get to your desk where I wrote down some questions for you. Also, fuck morals.

My charming personality did shine through, as did my eagerness for the job. I also showed him that I'm articulate and blah blah blah. (See what I did there? I'm hilarious.) But I did botch it; chalk it up to experience and move on.

Unless they hire me, and in that case someone's really been putting some good energy out there for me, and considering my angry attude I've been having for the world recently and what I've been receiving back... yeah, no wonder I feel awkward.


Been keeping up with Urban Dead? You should be. It's a massively low tech zombie survival game. No graphics, no nuthin, just you out there fucking with the zombies, OR you as a zombie fucking with the humans. AND if you die, you can just be a zombie! AND if you don't want to be a zombie, someone will revive you to be a human (that just happened to me, so it made the day a lot more fun).

And since I've really had fun with it for the past few days, I've read some more strategy guides and such and finally have been like 'OH!' on some really obvious shit that I've been doing. For now, I've been running around and doing nothing, randomly hitting a zombie and then having them run after me and kill me, but since I've read stuff about the characters, when I get revived I'll know what I'm doing. But I think I'm going to keep my firefighter a zombie for a little wihle longer, just to see what's going on. Also, groups are fun; and I don't want to be overhasty signing up for some.. so we'll see how that goes. I've already signed up for The Randoms with one of my characters, but after he was revived by a guy from Tikhon General, makes me want to join that group, pay it forward with them, you know.

Anyway, I have three characters up; we'll see which ones strike my fancy in the long run, but I'll have a lot of fun with all of them, I'd imagine.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Another post?

"I love you guys! I'm going to miss you so terribly when I'm gone!" An innocent statement found on facebook. It seems nice enough, almost to the point of Aww..., but then one realizes, how many 'I's are in that sentence. Of course, of course, I'm no better; there are more I's on this site than there are morally and physically crushed people in China. But still, what stands out to me:

"I'm going to miss you so terribly when I'm gone!"

Sort of like, "Oh! I'm looking at this cute picture of us, and yes it's true that I'll miss you, but what really matters is I'M LEAVING."

Of course, I wouldn't be so critical if it wasn't someone I'm hideously jealous of.

Also, I think I'm in a bit of a weird mood today.

But still. Kinda self centered of her.


And I thought I was completely stuck in Chrono Trigger on my iPhone,
but lazy afternoons at work have found me finding the way to get past
it! Wonderful! I'm going to have to do that tonight.

Also, Bonny's last day is next Thursday. Which means:
-no vegas trip for me
-more work
-faster days

Some plusses, some minuses. I'll miss her; she is the most chill
employee coworker ever. Right on, Bonny.

So. Tonight I need to cancel those plane tickets. Goddamn. I
waslookjng forward to that.


Never have I been so excited NOT to have been called back as I was listening to that Kaiser voicemail. The more I thought about the program, the more I became polarized. It was so cool to think that I might be a person who lived fully from the theatre (that really shouldn't be something I wish for with all the joy in my heart; it really should be there for anyone who wants to take it, but that'll just have to happen when I have my own country to run), but then I remembered how the auditions were, and stories from others about how it's a good experience, but a weird one. Lots of improv (gag). Whatever though. I have a feeling if they didn't have their fingers up their asses I would have liked it better and would have been more disappointed.

Telltale still hasn't got back to me; I'm going to call them tonight and leave a message for the guy who sent me an email. I would love to just be able to talk to him, even if something else has come up and they don't need anyone else anymore. Like I've stated many times before, I'm trying to play the game of keeping communications up as much as possible. I've also (gasp) actually branched out from craigslist when looking for jobs and such in this area and others. I've gone to websites of jobs and given them my resume saying things like "I love your work, I know you're not looking for a worker like me, but if you ever need an admin, I would love to work for a gaming company that makes such cool art like you do." You never know what might happen, and it's always good to get yourself out there.

No rehearsal tonight (yippie!) so I can catch up on watching last week's LOST before this week's LOST comes on. I've spent the entire week not reading my normal blogs because of that; everyone's been talking about this last episode and how wonderful it was, and as soon as I hear about Ben's Door I want to punch myself for continuing to read. Oh well, I will find out tonight! Woo! Also, I'll probably play some Sam and Max. And Vagrant Story. Hell, I'll probably even play Passage again. Someone please tell me why I do theatre again? Oh right, insatiable passion. Gotcha.

Tell Tales

The woot shirt today is pretty incredible. I need to be stronger in this case, but this might just be irresistable. I could skip lunch today in lieu of getting this shirt. Espcially since no rehearsal tonight equals ben probably mooching from mom for a pizza or something. That would be fun.

That's the joy of having a home away from the parents' house. Even if it's close, when you go back, they're always overjoyed to see you and there's probably going to be pizza involved. Or chinese food. I like pizza better. I like indian food better than all of thems though.

Hm. Odd, neither of my coworkers are here yet. Not like I'm incredibly worried, I don't really care whether they're here or not; I'll just tell my peeps here that I'm the only one here, and they'll be nicer to me. Or not. Or whatever. I don't care. I'm so over this job, my play, and for the incredible exception of Monica, my life here in the Bay Area. Even the love of my family wouldn't keep me here; it's just a done place all around. Maybe if there was better theatre here.. but that just goes into my cyclical argument that I can never win unless I get the fuck out of here.

Bonny's here! Done. So what I thought was a day off isn't. Too bad.

Received a response from Telltale yesterday or the day before about wanting to talk about the resume I sent in. Then nothing after I responded to them. Hopefully, they're just busy (a good sign they may need me) and they'll call me today. I'm so fucking eager to talk to them about games and why I'd be a good tester and dear god I Need To Get Out Of This Fucking Job And Into Something I Like.

Hold on a bit, I need to wash my bowl. Okay, now I have a clean bowl for my grapefruit peeling.

Okay, I don't feel like writing anymore.