Grumpy Gus

So um yeah.

I've been having some great auditions lately, and yet none have been coming to fruition. Great shit. Great feedback, people saying "spot on" stuff like that. And yet, nothing comes of it.

Granted, these people are mostly idiots in any aspect, so if they hire me, it's whether or not they deign to use me on a whim, because I smiled the right way, or said something they particularly liked. Well, moreso than normal like; I do believe they like me, I do believe we're friends... but something that amuses them in particular.

It's just been silly lately, that's all. When hearing about this guy who gets cast here all the time (yes, I know, people other than me can get cast) but he's not better than anyone else, he just is from LA. And I wrote about these people last year, in regards to the same person, who is now, in fact, Don Quixote in the Mountain play. I still think he's a very pleasant fellow, but way too young for that role/can't sing.

Whatever. Something good will happen sometime. It's bound to.

And the first step is starting an experiment. I will update to see if it works.

My Rant

So yes I've been reading the Twilight series, and no, I'm not a teen or pre-teen girl. There's a lot of good in these novels, to be sure, and they definitely keep me hooked and wanting to read the next chapter when it comes to the lore of the world. It's a good story, and there's a reason why it's been so popular. However...

This whole world of Bella not being able to live without Edward and Edward going through so much angst about not living with Bella is bullshit. People breakup, and they deal with it, they don't become zombies for months at a time, and even if they do, they eventually get better! Gasp! I know, Stephanie, that you've made a fortune out of these books, but you need to take your little mormon head out of your mormon ass and realize that real people don't behave like this. And fuck, vampires don't behave like this either, if you're painting them as complex people in every other sense, with complex emotions.

Additionally, it's painting a stupid picture for young women. Bella, at the beginning of the series, is a strong, independent and smart young woman, ready for everything, can do everything, even survive a new high school (although why she'd move... whatever) and live successfully with a steriotypical dad who can't cook and a steriotypical all caring, but can't do anything mom. But why oh why does she lose all this independence when she meets her boyfriend? Yes, it happens, you don't see your friends as often, whatever, but now everything in her life is focused on this man. This man who, incidentally, makes all her decisions for her, and she just smiles and goes along with it. Jesus.

Why is this popular? It makes me sick. Whatever happened to strong women? I guess we don't need them when we have strong men around.

Ugh.

This highly part time job has been thrown at me haphazardly by Bruce's brother (a good guy.. somewhat) all the while saying, "If you have a better way of doing this, feel free to do it to make more efficient." So I've been here a week, realizing that this really isn't going to be my place where I stay for any amount of time; it's just too personal. Especially because of my growing dislike for BruBro... I just don't want it to get weird if it turns into a downright stupidity match. Anyway.

Yesterday I did something wrong, not super wrong, but something that would require an item to be sent back for a refund. On top of that, my organization system (the one I had a better idea on doing, mind you) was "wrong" and we needed to have a talk about how things were to be organized in the one shot area. A little about one shots: the crap in this place that there's only ONE of, so when we sell them, it makes room for more crap. That's been my thing for the past week, going through and looking around for one shots.

Some of the one shots I've been putting up don't have specific part numbers, I was just putting what they WERE as part numbers. Mind you, I did these on my SECOND DAY here, and he has the nerve of writing me a note riddled with "we've been through this" and "we've been down this path before." Fuck that shit. I did these listings on my second day here, with no help from him, and if a part number is different (YET MORE DESCRIPTIVE) than it needs to be, then oops, I'll fix it. All I need is: "Hey Ben, I see you've been calling the Gazebo's part number Gazebo1, let's just do something like DOTS - 001, keep it like it's coming from a warehouse." OR WHATEVER.

Damn. This fucking sucks. WHY DOES THIS MAKE ME SO MAD.

So!

One week of rehearsal almost done. It seems like a lifetime, to be completely honest. So much has happened in this one week. My first week of my new (temporary?) job, we have an amazing new president, and I've been perpetually hungry as per my new tactic of being a little bit more discriminating when it comes to shoving food into my face. I can feel a difference, plus the exercise that I've been starting up again, and the renewed energy when it comes to applying for jobs.

It's been paying off... and I think I can sense the difference in the theatre world recently; not like I've been getting called back for everything, but people seem to be considering me for more leading men roles, rather than the friend of the main character, or the B character roles that often come with being a bigger guy. What a racket; I'm a great actor, and really can play any role that's thrown at me, but no on will really consider you for something like a lead until you lok like a lead. Unless you're a really different thinking director (like me, but that's just because I come from this place), and there are some out there, but for the most part, this is a good direction from me to go in.

I think I've been mentioning how great this show is for my singing abilities. Still true, still fun. And what's more interesting is that I'm really getting the choreography and musial timing down really fast. It's neat being trained sometimes, not to mention the fact that I learn very fast.

Oddness though. One of my other actors in the show needed a ride, and then awkwardly offered to drive last night. Cool! I don't have to worry about the toll and the gas, blah blah blah. But for approximently 50% of the ride, he talked about other people that he's been... not even working with... it's more just people that he likes... or maybe just want to like him. And it's not like I even know these people... It's fun to hear stories, but there's only so much success that other people get stories that I can tak before I don't care anymore. And by "so much" I mean, it's nice to hear once, and then stop talking about how people got into grad schools or are in movies, etc.

Oh well, gotta stay positive. That's the direction I should keep.

I'm Fucking Awesome

I didn't get called back for Into the Woods. I've evolved from being disappointed to being curious about who these fuckers are! Luckily, they've posted everyone who's been called back online, so I can do a little research, and for the most part, I'm a little too young for what they're looking for, and probably too old for some of their other parts. Story of my acting life. It'll be better later in life, I'd imagine, but it's frustrating now, especially since that's my Favorite Musical. Well, One Of My Favorite.

There's one hope; the post at the bottom of the page says they're not calling back anyone for a few parts, particularly Jack. This could be simply because the parts are already cast, but maybe not, and maybe I've been cast as Jack. In any case, I emailed them asking as much... well not asking if I had the part, but asking if those who had not been called back could still be considered. Wow, acting is boring, isn't it? I need to start up my own theatre company so I can have that stress.

In any case, I think my disappointment (especially because I recognize some names on that list...) is just focused in a different form now, instead of pouting, I get curious. This is not to say I don't pout, that still happens a lot, but it just seems like in these situations I don't feel that emotion draining-ness that I've felt so often. Maybe it's a natural evolution, and maybe someday I really won't feel curiosity or poutness, just the general bummer and release, as you realize there will be more opportunities, and maybe ones that will come when you're better trained. As an actor, it's being prepared when luck strikes; that's something you can control. And because I talked through my bummer, I'm feeling better, and is why I'm Fucking Awesome.

Oddly Very Disappointed

Didn't get into the St. Louis touring thing. I didn't think I would, given the strangeness I've been given from the people in charge there, but whatever. The funny thing is, the response from them was such a copy paste email saying, "actors from Chicago or Louisville often times come in and audition in person." Yes, people do come from places other than the St. Louis area, but I called specifically to ask if I could submit something electronically, and they said yes. Their other excuses were the normal ones: we need to make an ensemble of 25 characters, needs to be tight knit, etc., but as its so often true, they probably just saw that I lived here, and didn't give me a second glance. Either that or they already have their fat guy. Because of that, I have a feeling if I did audition in person, I wouldn't have been given a callback.

It's no point being bitter, and I'm not, but it's just strange how I can figure out what their thinking so easily. Maybe it's different. Maybe they thought I was spectacular but just couldn't use me. After all, I think I'm spectacular... maybe it's just a monologue thing. Maybe my monologues just aren't as wonderful as I think they are. Or maybe it's the fact that I'm living 2000 miles away at the moment that gives them pause when casting me. Or maybe they're just shallow. Sure, lets say all of the above. Although, I do think my monologues are pretty rockin, if I do say so myself.

Tonight I'm doing some stand in work for Rocky. I'm not too sure how to feel about it. It's with friends, but they won't be there, and I hear the director's a bit of a give an inch, asks for a mile type. So dunno what's that going to be about. I'm just happy I get to help out my friends whom I see very little of now a days; our circle just doesn't intersect.

Man, why am I so bummed at the St. Louis thing? It's not like it would have been much. Maybe it's me missing where I grew up, and this would be an opportunity to work and play there every day for a little bit. Plus equity points, that always is appealing.

Just on my mind

Why is it that when some asshole gets a role that I want, I just blow it off saying luck, but when one of my friends that I actually respect gets some role (or anything - job, toys, sex), I get incredibly jealous and reserved. Shouldn't good people be the ones receiving rewards? I believe so. I wish everyone who worked hard and were talented did get cast (or employed, entertained, laid). I say this in theory, but for some reason, it makes me feel really strange when my friends - good friends whom I've been talking with for a while now - are succeeding, and I'm... well. Not.

Then again, when assholes get roles, I feel pretty shitty too. But, laying on the stage yesterday, waiting for some monologue to be over, I had a bit of an epiphany. Or at least a reconfiguring of my thoughts. I'm going to try and be a nice guy. Sure, I won't be a complete nice person if someone kicks me in the face, and I'm never going to buckle.. but if someone's doing something I don't personally agree with (but is legal, etc.) then whatever, it's not part of my life, and I don't need to worry about it. Just keep going!

In that style, going to look at some auditions coming up.

I wish I was getting paid for my work.

Just finished week 2 of hundred pushups (I had a few false starts a while ago) when I decided to check my email. A few weeks ago, I had to drop out of a few reviews because I was sick, and honestly I really didn't want to go to the bayview district to see a show. Luckily I was indeed sick, so I couldn't go and get shot somewhere in San Francisco. Anywho, the editor is bugging me about going back to see the shows, and wasn't taking my hints, so finally I said I had been trying to fit it in my schedule, and wasn't able to (I'm so busy... right), so that someone else should go see these shows.

I'm in an odd place, really. This is really a job, and if you don't do part of your job, you get in trouble. However, I am a volunteer, and aside from making fun of my schedule, I am busy in most nights; if there were some day shows, I would love to go, but really... don't want to go to bayview right now. And those other shows? Yeah, I can't make them. My excuse is that I have paying work to go to. A reimagining of the truth, but I an argue that my nights working on finding a job is paying work. Either that, or I'm just getting tired of this. Getting tired of not getting paid for my work. Whatever. This may be an ending to my reviewing days, but who the hell cares? I saw some good shows, so I think I'm ahead of the game.

In any case, today I am a little busy. Going to walk to the post office, then the library, then back here. Then, driving to my computer and hopefully recording my monolougues today, to send them off to St. Louis for that shakespeare shit that they're doing. It's been hard for me lately, seeing many of my friends getting cast or in the very least getting called into places. Would it take them too much to just have me come in? I don't really even need to be in the show (but that would be nice), just some opportunity, people?! Is that too much to ask?! In any case, I've been sending out my stuff to theatres, so hopefully that'll pay off in the long run... and if not, I'll keep on bugging theatres, and they'll keep on saying they can't come out and see these shows, even though they say "oh yeah, tell us when you're in a show!" Some help that is. However, you could argue that it is just showing them that I do get cast, and if I keep on reminding them of that fact, the simple fact that I am a working actor.

Bleh. I'm worried about the magazine. But whatever. If they give me an ultimatum, it's simple - I have paying work that I can't pass up. And really, I can't afford to go into the city and see a show I didn't really want to see in the first place.

This Post Turned Into Something I Dislike

I worked it out. If my check doesn't come tomorrow... or today for some stupid reason, the next time I'd probably get an answer would be on Tuesday. I hate this. I mean, I like the money from the government, the money that I rightfully deserve because I'm awesome. Anyway, I can probably make it through the weekend and survive. Almost. I'll have to really think about it, but that's what happens when you're as lazy and spend as much money as I do.

Other than that, I'm getting through the last season of Kim Possible. And then possibly (ha!) start them over again; it's such a really cool show. Too bad the video games are lacking, but that's usually the problem with video game spinoffs of things like movies or television or burger franchises.

Also had to go to the unemployment place today and have a job searching class. There was a neat little workshop that they advertised on the "Hidden Job Market" talking about how only 20% of job openings are advertised, and just about 80% of the people who need jobs are going after that... and there's blah blah blah too many people going after the jobs that are posted, but this huge amount of stuff goes unseen. I may take it, but then again, I may just start calling some places around here and inquiring about open jobs, talking to people with informational interviews and shit.

So anyway. This fucking post turned into something about job searching. What's up with that?

To break the ice, I'll say that this new Gilette Fusion razor is off the fucking hook. More blades equals more awesomeness. Also, I'm excited about going to do the show tonight, and that I've done some good marketing of myself over the past week. I do need to go over my lines though, and KP and blogger are certainly keeping me from this task, but meh, I'll just do it at the theatre. Also hopefully Beth will stop at some delicious fast food place so I can eat. I hate not eating, and it happens more and more lately. I know it's just stress, mostly from not having my check and not having a job, and just strangeness going on in my life right now. Anyway, tomorrow I'll work a little more on making some press packets to some places I've forgotten.

Got the review done, it's a good one. And today I looked at some of my old reviews, and gosh darned it, but I have a pretty good writing style sometimes. Others, well, let's just say it could have one more revision. And I'm still hungry. And this post is a little boring, now that I read this. Whatever, 's all good.

Oooh, Ron turned evil again! Gotta watch this pretty awesome fight scene.

No really, you can't make this shit up.

I called the unemployment office today to why my check was so late. After an amazingly circular voicemail system where I needed to set up a pin, include my social security number, and kill the child of the Third Born Demon DELORAX, I found that my check was mailed on September 9th. Glancing down at my screen, it says today's date is September 19th. Not a good sign. Pressing 0, I waited for a cheerful helper. I was greeted with a fast talking mumbler.

Welcome to the unemployment office how can I help you.

I have a problem with my latest check; I've never received it.

socialsecurity number, address, name, phone number, and the soul of the demonspawn's child.

Here ya go.

okay, it says here yourcheck was sent on september 9th.

Yes, I checked that in the automated voice system, and I know if it hasn't come in 10 days, I should call.

you should call aftertoday. if it doesn't come todaythen you shouldcall.

Well, are they mailed from California? I mean, a letter only takes so long to trave--

Of coursethey're mailed from california! This is the california unemployment office, we don't outsource to anywhere--

I understand that, but 10 days is a long itme for a letter to be circling in the --

We don't outsource anywhere so if the check doesn't come today youshould call.

- Insert another minute or two of this circular argument.-

Eventually, I gave up; she wasn't budging, and I couldn't wrap my mind around her not even thinking that 10 days just in California could be a long time. But really, you can't make this shit up.

You put the Ego in Incogneto.

Jeffrey, our producer, is well deserving of the receiving end of a punch to the nuts. This has been in my thoughts lately, specifically when he gives strange instructions to our cast and adds shows when there wasn't any scheduled. This has caused me to behave in a, how shall we put it... not as nice manner when it comes to interactions with him. For example, on stage the other night, I added a line, "try to stop me!" when he cut a line of mine. It was funny at the time, but when later in the show I snapped my fingers as if to encourage him to go a little bit faster. My conscious has been feeling a little bad about this.

However, upon further thought, I realize that nothing so far has been able to change Jeffrey and his hideous acting (or lack thereof). Hector himself wasn't able to get through to him, and there was 4 weeks of rehearsal of him to try and get his shit together. I doubt it's really possible, honestly. The best we can do is continue to do our best, and continue to have fun with he parts we have, and try to ignore the shit that's around us.

In some cool news, David is directing a show at COM, and I'm in it! It's only a one act, so there's not much to remember, but it'll be fun to do, and I'll get to do another play in the meantime, a brand new one, originating two roles, cool! I'm a fan of bragging about myself when I originate a role, even if it isn't in a professional capacity. Anywho, it'll be fun, and apparently Carla, his mentor on this project, is really cool, and is a good friend and one of Monica's favorite professors. Also, COM isn't a bad place to work; their theatre is pretty badass.

Also! ALSO! I totally got a beta pass to Mines of Moria! It's downloading as we speak! Fifteen more hours!! Jesus. I bet it's totally worth it, but in the meantime, I really can't play any other game that involves online play; it would be epicly slow from the download. And I was going to have some real lotro gameplay today, AND I can't really play Spore because that's on the Mac side. So it's back to Kim Possible. Woot! Although I'm sure I can do a little bit of Half-Life 2 or Portal. Whatever.

It was also a fun evening last night: Monica and I had some quality time (no innuendo), and I worked on my marketing packets for myself. Included were some hand written cards, a flier for Midsummer, the review that called me "tremendous," and headshots and resumes. Pretty excellent packet, if I may say so. Sent off to 11 places, and I was able to get a walk to the post office and mail them, and walk to the library and return those overdue books. This, of course, was after I started over hundredpushups.com; I had been way too lax with that in these weeks.

Monica's event is coming up. I'm excited for it to be done. Then she'll be full time at her new job, closer to home, and definitely with a better attitude! This is not to say that she wasn't happy last night, but it just seemed like an oasis in the middle of a horrible, nasty, huge desert full of unsupportive people.

Anywho, I'm wearing a purple shirt.

Things are Aok

Things are doin' fine. My back hurts though; stress from this weekend and the lack of a job, I'd imagine. Not for lack of trying for a job, mind you, just a lack of people wanting someone. It happens.

Our official opening weekend of Midsummer has rocked hardcore. It is, by far, the most amazing version of the show I've ever seen. I would have said ever worked on, but it's the only Midsummer I've worked on, so that's a little tough to say for sure. I had a little drama backstage 2 nights ago because I said something stupid hanging out with the guys, and that consumed me for a little bit, since I didn't realize it was that bad, especially since I apologized right after. But people react differently, and sometimes my different way of thinking and the sort of "let it go" attitude keeps me from realizing that people's feelings get hurt a lot easier than mine. Apologized, and now it's hopefully done.

Anywho. Nothing much else to report. I'm just taking a break in applying for jobs. Hopefully someday this will all seem like a nice break where I've given myself plenty of exercise. And also hopefully I'll be able to find something I actually like.

Sigh. Back to it!

Remember when I wrote here every day?

Been lax, yes, and now I'm only writing when there's stupid drama in my life. But you know what? I really don't want to record this for posterity, especially because I've done my best to make everything better; and if some people don't realize and respect that, then it's THEIR fault, and they're losing a good friend.

I guess the gist of it is that I was an asshole, apologized, and they didn't accept it. Whatever.

Water's on today, gonna take a much needed shower.

Oh, and no jobs yet. Gr.

Catching up

I await my downloads to be done with a little impatience: I want to play my games, and I really can't while the bandwidth is being taken up by my musicals streaming their data down from the interwebs.

Don from my internet show, [deleted], is contacting me, saying they're going pretty slow in shooting today, and that if I'm flexible to start after 2pm, that would be terrific. I know this is how film goes, just a lot of hurry up and wait, but the problem of other film is that one gets paid. This is frustrating, especially considering that I don't want to be there throughout the evening, and I actually have other things to do throughout the night. Yes, it would be neat if it caught on, and if it did, I will be the first to say oops, and that I gave it too little support. But that will be when I can live from it. Lets hope it comes to that.

Anyway, whenever I call or text back, I get no response for about 20 minutes, and then get a message back, along the lines of... "Can U come after 2PM?" Which, of course, I've already answered.

This is, most definitely, a labour of love for a lot of people involved, most of all Don. But honestly, he needs to be in better touch with who he's using, especially since we're volunteering for this project. Whatever. I'm not going to go up there today until he says something definite.

Job hunt is going alright. Still looking, a few bites, but no one has flipped out their checkbooks. On top of that, I'm feeling huge waves of jealousy from a bunch of people in my cast, people who I really shouldn't feel jealous about; we're not the same type at all. The problem is, they're getting all these pretty terrific parts, all over the place, honest to goodness equity roles, and I'm still stuck BEGGING other companies to even consider me for just an audition. Makes me jealous and angry and such. You know how it is. And I'm hungry, so that doesn't help.

At least one of those things I can fix.

In Which He Mostly Bitches About Not Having A Job

Day two of unemployment. I've applied for roughly 20 jobs and it's not even 3:30 yet. It rocks to have all the time in the world to apply for another thing I'm going to hate after two weeks! Yay.

Goddamn world.

Anyway. Got my car smog checked today, because the DMV says you need it smog checked! Another bit o' money, and then another bit o' money to transfer the title over to me. Sigh. This wasn't that hard when I had a job and really, honestly, didn't worry about money. Here we go then. I need to find a job, and hopefully that will happen sooner than later. Until then, I've applied for unemployment. And am continuing to apply for jobs. This Friday, hopefully I'll also have an interview with a temp agency to get my name back out in the temping circuit. Funny phrase, that.

So a little nervous, but I'm okay for the time being, as long as I stay on top of things. Getting a job is a full time job, after all. Also, Perfect Timing found me a job pretty quickly after I applied with them not too long ago, hopefully I can recreate that experience and get something quickly. Alright, going to email them and set up a time to go in. Here we go.

Keep an ear out for jobs, will ya?

Unexpected Presents

Tonight I was given the night off from rehearsal, and tomorrow, rehearsal is only until 1! Therefore I can get out and run down to Pacifica to officially buy this goddamned car earlier than usual, and make it back in time for possibly a hot date with Monica. I shouldn't say possibly, it should be probable. We need to go on a hot date that actually happens, not one that ends up us not going to the city because the traffic is so bad. Maybe up to a mid range restaurant? We like eating...

I've officially become a Tool. I spent the better part of this morning writing some thank you cards to all these assholes here. Some not assholes, but mostly its to the higher ups saying what a joy it was to work here, and great jobs are because there's great leadership. Completely out of my ass. My ass is pretty vocal when it needs to be. But it's something you need to do, like swallowing (your pride) and sucking up to casting directors or agents or workshops, it's just what you have to do. Might as well keep the swallowing (of pride) in practice and do it here; I have to swallow (pride) enough in the acting world.

It's an odd dichotomy though; as actors we are supposed to have pride, but we need to know the humility that comes from not getting cast at all ever in a million years oh my god i'm never getting a part again. I think I'm getting it down, and the more people I meet, the more I realize it's a completely universal trait; I'm happy to have more friends from this show that think the same way I do. This has been a Good Thing, and tomorrow I'm going to ask Hector if he needs any tech help, specifically stage managerial tech help, for his shows coming up this season.

Still very much worried about what I'm going to do after this job: so far, no one's called me in for an interview. I think it's back to temp work for a while, and focus on starting my school career; I think I'm going to sign up for some classes at CoM, and maybe a few workshops around the area. Who knows if it'll do anything good, but at least I'll make some friends, and there are a few non theatre (yes, I know, WEIRD) classes that I want. Maybe even an... yes, I'm going to say it, accounting class. I'm more likely to take a flash class though, get started on the way of computers; that's where everything's headed anyway, I'm tired of being out of the loop. First thing's first though, I need a vocal coach.

But not right now! Right now I need a granola bar!

Try as I might, I can't seem to find a reference to the new animated Batman that's out. I thought it was called Tales of the Dark Knight, but that's not it; I'm always redirected to The Dark Knight, which is fun to read about, but still, not what I'm looking for, people! I want a nice, fine way to try and legally obtain in downloadable format, these great things shows. I'm sure there's a torrent of information out there just waiting to be found in tiny bite sized chunks.

The Drowsy Chaperone was amazing. More than amazing. Spectacular. What makes me laugh a bit is that it's succeeding in every single way what Moon has been trying to do for years (and failing, because of the lack of respect of their actors, did I mention my new name was bitterman?). It was an amazing performance by everyone in the cast, and even though at some points I could see how true broadway stars would be better in the roles, it is just a touring company after all, and I had a grin on my face the entire time, so they did something right. It's the kind of show that makes me want to continue to do theatre; if something like that exists in this world, I can help make some good art too.

The downside for all of that is that I missed going to the photoshoot yesterday for Midsummer. Photoshoots are perhaps one of my most favorite things about being in a show; you get your name up there, and there's documentation that you did something, there, right there, on a website or some shit like that! Remember when I was Bottom? There it is! I rocked. Don't believe me? There I am! I know there's probably going to be another photo opportunity at some point, but it's still sucky that I don't get to be in the promo shots. Kind of disappointing yes, but I'll be fine, of course. And there will be documentation somehow.. SOMEWAY!

Tired! Going to zone out.

Fucking Days

This morning I was awoken by the dulcet tones of the Futurama theme song from my phone. Glancing down, I saw "Joan Scout," and then slightly above that, "7:13." Fuck if I'm answering that, I thought, coyly. No doubt it was about her car and my purchase; indeed, we had been having some troubles in contacting one another on the phone. I admit, I haven't been the most easy person to contact, but then again, I have a full time job as well as another full time job as an actor, while she... is a stay at home mom. With another stay at home mom. Suffice it to say that my day is a tad more busy than hers.

Don't get me wrong, raising a child is busy, important, and honorable work. However, so is theatre, and working to try and raise money to live. And they... well they have all the money they will ever need. So there's a little bitterness. Who cares?

I listened to the message. "Okay, Ben, this is getting ridiculous. We need to settle this, now." Oooh, I thought, sounds like a deathmatch. "Either you need to get the car from me or you need to bring the car back to me, but it needs to be done now. We're sleep training right now, so our nights are really busy, and I don't know if we can do it in the evenings. So yeah, call me back so we can figure this out." Very hostile.

Huh, thought I, it almost as if she didn't have another car that she could drive.

My way to work was fought with boredom. Then, upon coming to work, I received an email, found last night:

"I do ask that you remain professional until the end. It is inappropriate to make an appointment and not return, no matter where you work. If you're looking for a job, you need to do it within reasonable business hours, just like anybody else - people usually do this before or after work.

Also, please minimize browsing on the net. There is work to do - such as filing, installing that Mayline for A, etc.

l"*

I have been remaining professional, but if I have opportunities, I will jump at them, like always. It's just that they simply did not ever really support my art, so I have to lie about where I go and what I do. I'm tired of that, especially in the waning hours of my working here. And I've received little respect from them, it's hard to be overly nice in an environment such as this. Also, I do get my work done. But when it's done, I surf the internet. After all, there's nothing else to do.

Yes yes, of course we could make our own work, but why bother, really? I'm leaving in a little over a week. Who do you know ever really pushes the limit the last week they're there? Especially after being laid off. What a silly girl.

Also that Mayline is TOTALLY the wrong style for the table it's being installed on.

---

My audition went pretty well yesterday, but there was another strange anecdote: "Since I always sing the same songs for you, I decided to work on another song, it's not quite ready, but I could give it a shot."

"You should sing a song you're comfortable with."

"Sure, of course! But I was just thinking, you hear the same song all the time."

The blonde non actress producer piped in, "You really should have 6 songs you could perform for us!"

"Well, I do have over a dozen songs I could sing for you, but they're pretty contemporary."

"You really need to learn some songs of this time, it's good to have a couple."

"Well, that's why I'm learning this one!" (It reads a little more sarcastically here, that's what I was going for, but I was more jovial than sarcastic.)

So I sang my normal song. It went well. Very well really. And I read fine, and danced wonderfully. It just leaves an odd taste in my mouth (as usual) that first of all their reputation of ostracising people from shows for being unable to do them (family emergencies, etc.) as well as... attacking is a strong word, more like ridiculing, people who come in, unpaid, actually paying to be there - talking bout bridge and gas money - and then this shaming. I'm sorry we can't all live fully from our art and therefore have time to know a hundred different songs from the EXTREMELY LIMITED place of theatre you're taking from, and I'm sorry I can't pull something out of a hat, and I'm sorry I can't sing with no characterization like you do, it just looks like this is what you're going to get.

They need to shut the fuck up and learn to work with actors. Have auditions on Sunday and Monday evenings. Not in the day when people WORK FOR A LIVING. We know this is what you do to live, GOOD FOR YOU. I am jealous. Someday, I hope that to be me up there, being a dick to someone, but you know what, it will be on a night that's convenient for them.

---

Other news, the photoshoot for Midsummer is tonight, even though I've had a conflict on the schedule for 3 weeks now. They said it was okay for me not to come tonight, but I know in their heart of hearts they would love to have me acting like an ass (haha, I'm so witty) for them and to make the Titania look better. So, I'm going to try and move my tickets around to tomorrow night for Drowsy Chaperone. What could be the problem? I don't think there will be one, anyway; I just need to get the person on the phone and tell them. I think leaving messages is out of the question right now.

Anywho. I'm an actor, not a reviewer. So in any case, I will be going to the photo shoot. Unless I don't.

*Names abbreviated because I felt like it.

Last Full Week

Here we are! My last full week at SWA! How do I feel about this? Pretty good, actually. Still worried about the whole finding a job thing, but for the most part I'm happy that this is ending, and I'm happy that they made the decision for me, rather than I did it myself. Because of that, I can be happily on unemployment for a little bit. Wow, hungry all of a sudden; gonna go grab a snack.

And of course, Elaine is gone even though I have to leave now to get to my *ahem* "Dentist Appointment." Whatever, I'll be late and say I had to run from work. Sucks though, wish I could leave now.

Anyway, I have an audition tonight with Theatreworks, and an audition tomorrow for 42nd Street Moon. I'm staying positive and realistic, and I'm going to give them a show and do my best, even though it might be a waste of time. Well, to be honest, it's never really a waste of time getting my face out there; even if they don't use me, if I keep plugging it they'll remember me more and more. Besides, I can brag about it to Hector.

I guess this is a short blog entry; not feeling too hot today, so I'm going to zone out for a bit and just focus on my job.

Oh, also I saw The Dark Knight last night with Bruce. AMAZING.

WTF Mate?

Joan originally, as you recall, was going to sell me for $500, well under the bluebook price, which she also knew when telling me she would sell it to me for $500, of $2000. Nice. Very nice, I thought. I've had the car for a while now, and as you recall, I received the car back in April. She has been very generous about letting me use the car, but from what I can tell, she hasn't been really missing it - I've received NO phone calls of any urgency from her until recently.. and that probably was only because I called her like 5 weeks ago.

Anyway. It sucks. My plan is to call her back today, after our brief conversation ("well, I have to check my funds.") and tell her that because of the repairs I paid for, and the repairs that it will need in the upcoming weeks (breaks, probably), that I simply can't afford the extra $500, and kind of budgeted myself for just the original price. If she gives me shit, or time to pay, or anything like that, I might just stick to my guns and say I can only pay 500. It's what she agreed upon, she's just being greedy, and that makes me sick. They are incredibly rich. Super rich. Not just oh, let's go to hawaii for a few weeks rich like my other friends are, they will never need to work. Ever. And she was poor for so long... I just think she's lost perspective on what it's like to be a normal peon.

Whatever. I'll call her and leave a message later.

Jesus, just found out a friend of mine might need surgery on her collerbone from a fall earlier this year. Shit. So much for 2008 being nice. Lets hope it gets better. Or at the very least let's hope I get a serindipidous call from someone asking me to run a theatre company. That would be fine too.... still waiting on that call, friend.