Alright People (Pt. 2)

I called Paul today about the paid internship, he said it was already full. I had definetly waited too long, but I didn't think it was that long. I don't feel betrayed at him about this, even though he said he was "very interested"; completely my fault. What I do feel is disappointment in myself. But only briefly, and I realized that I really need to stop blaming everything on everyone else. Sure, there's tons of blame to go around (I mean, I'm hardly ever at fault, so it's not like I'm used to feeling disappointment), but I need to realize this and take control of my situations. No regrets, just realization: I should have called him the day I found out about the internship. I didn't. Now that's that.

(He is, however, keeping me in mind in case someone falls through. Neato.)

Alright folks. Here it is. This will not be just the whole "eating better/exercising woah holy shit I'm thin" journal. I'm trying to make myself a better person. I need to build my confidence in who I am and what my talents are, and providing myself with an outlet is a step towards the goal. Not only that, but it's an outlet that I can write in, which makes me more confident as a writer. I mean, that's cool! I have so much support in my life through my art and my relationships with friends - I am one lucky dude, and I need to know that. I am going to open up to this New Way and become a better person. So again, I'm asking the universe to help me. To keep me on track, to pick me up when I'm down, or kick me over when I'm too high. Everything in moderation, ego included. (As a fantastic actor, this is hard, but I'll somehow figure it out, bravely.)

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So, walked for 20 minutes. Not bad, considering I had to drive to San Rafael and take a shower. I'll up the ante tomorrow, and hopefully get some Dance Dance Revolution action before or after my audition. Ah, yes, that audition. CalShakes has their own company, so I'm not getting my hopes high, but that doesn't mean I won't come in and show them my stuff. Sometimes people don't need me, and sometimes they do. I just need to make myself available.