The Saga of the Phones

He gazed down through the twilight, first at the blackness before him, the clifface jutting out sharply, then looking at the two objects in his hands. He held the one up to his face, examining the glossy black shield surrounding it, the archaic runes on the front, and the pure silver outline emblazoned with SAMSUNG, the runes of power. He opened the shell, and the item doubled in length with an oddly satisfying "plik."

"Bah!" he said, "What supersticious nonsense. I don't know why I ever fell for these words. They seemed so charming before, but now as they try to pull more and more gold from my pocket... when they have no right! Of course, it was opportune that they changed their agreement so that I may opt out... but now they challenge me? They want to start a battle with me, the champion of the West?"

As he said these words, his voice rose in fervor and tenaciousness. The wind whipped around his body, blowing his long coat behind him, out to his sides.

"I take this challenge with these people, SAMSUNG of Sprint! They will rue the day they took advantage of me!"

Swinging his hand and arm in an arc in the air, preparing to cast this dark abomination into the pit, he glanced down at his other hand, the thin bricklike device made of metal and glass. It seemed to nestle in the palm, cooing, beckoning to the man. He paused, and shook his head, slowly bringing his arm down, the closed device unthrown.

"And you," he began softly, "you lure me in with your vile ways. Oh yes, I agree that you have some wonderful, charming magics about you, but what use have you if there is no communication? Your runes on the back, do they not say 'iPhone'? Why do you mock us? We pur our trust in you, and our lured down the path of sin!"

At that moment, to his surprise, he felt tears streaking down his cheeks, he ignored them, "Both of you claim to bring the future to the palm of our hands. But what we really experience is frustration and pain. Pain beyond anything I could have ever imagined."

With that, he sighed, made an appointment at the Apple Store on one, and dialed '*2' on the other.