Friday, January 18, 2008

Orcs & Elves

This was entered in a contest for a DS, its requirements were 50% about Orcs and Elves, 50% humorous. I think I hit them pretty well, but then again, I have a weird sense of humor:

Orcs And Elves

copyright Ben Knoll


He stared up at name of the tavern.

“Fuck. Orcs and Elves? Come on, Brahm, going to a party with those dicks?” The first figure flicked a perfect blonde hair back into place behind his tall ear.

“Wait, let me check,” said the dwarf, looking down at the scroll. His hair was held up in the new spike fashion using magic, ground nixie, and hair gel.

“I didn’t even want to come out.”

“I know.”

“I don’t think you did, I think what you think is that I wanted to come out.”

“No, I really know how you feel, Eöl,” he continued to look at the scroll, “I think this is it.”

“No, I think when I said, ‘I really want to stay here and work on figuring out what my wand is trying to say to me-’ it meant that you don’t say ‘Screw that, let’s go out to this new bar I found, meet some new people and hang ou-’ what the hell are you laughing at?”


“Oh gods, you are such an asshole! Why do you have to act like you’re 90? It’s a perfectly honest thing to say: the wand talks to me and -would-you-stop-snickering!”

“I’m not snickering,” he snickered, “let’s go in. I hear Orcs put out.”

“The only thing they put out is a foul odor, Brahm! BRAHM! Oh godsdamnit.”

Eöl followed Brahm through the tavern door.

Two large figures approached the tavern.

“Fuck. Orcs and Elves? Come on, Hrothgar.”

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