Thursday, June 12, 2008

Mysterious Circumstances

Leah (quite possibly my primary antagonist... or at least a negative force in my life) has been leaving and going to "meetings in San Rafael" almost every other day for the past two weeks. I'm pretty sure she's interviewing new people, but of course I may not be sure of that. I've been so isolated with everything going on here, I don't really know IF there are, indeed, meetings going on in San Rafael that make perfect sense. Maybe, maybe not. It seems suspicious to me. I might end up confronting her passive aggressive attitudes and ask her what's going on. Then again, I really don't care enough, so I'm probably not going to do that. If she accepts my part time offer, so be it, and if not... well I wanted to get out of here anyway, and I'll just quit on my own terms.

Nervous. Excited. Mostly nervous. Monica was talking about how she thinks this recession we're in is only going to get worse and worse, with people losing their houses and no work anywhere. She thinks it might be as bad as the 30's, only now we don't have any survival skills that the farmers did. I mean, I know how to swordfight: that counts, doesn't it? In my heart of hearts, I worry for that too, but when I think about it, I can probably just get a dumbass retail job if I can't find another soul sucking one... and I WILL find a new job, I have some good skills now after this (admittedly, not as bad as I say) job. They hired me fresh faced and new, and now I know what to do when it comes to dumb, corporate office work.

What I am hoping for is that the Berkeley Playhouse calls me in for their part time position: I'd be working for a theatre, plus it's part time enough for me to pursue my dreams. That'll work until I run out of money and need another office job. What does suck for sure is that I probably don't have any good references here anymore: the only person who would have done something to help me would have been Tim, and he's so far gone from here that any letter of recommendation wouldn't know what I can do. I don't dare ask Leah.... I guess there are a few pals here that could write one, but nothing that was direct contact with me... like Leah is. Then again, these days she and I can go almost the entire day without talking, so maybe it's not as bad as I thought.

I think I'm more nervous than I ever could imagine. Yes, I want to get out of this place, but I always hoped that I would be cast in some bigass show or something and had to leave, not something like this, not the stupid unknown. What a racket. Well, as usual, I'm still going to put it out there, and won't back down from what I want to do with my life. That is, until we all lose our jobs and I need to learn how to hunt and kill for my food.

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