Thursday, March 20, 2008

Blank stare.

I've been feeling very meh about exercise lately. Like, it doesn't give me that same burst of energy it used to, just tires me out. I think I've hit the point were some people just say fuck it and call it quits or go back on their diet or something, but I really need to stick with it, and even though I don't want to go on a walk today, I sure as fuck better, or else I'll feel bad about myself later.

Now that I really think about my meh feelings, it's mostly been that I'm feeling very much meh about life in general. I started out the year with a rush of feeling and work and emotion into my future, and now I'm just sort of in a limbo that comes from sliding down the climb I just made. Shit, even the standardized patient thing was fun, but now it's over, and I haven't even been paid for that! I better fucking get that check soon; I had to take that time out of my schedule, so it's time for it to come back to me. BOOYA. I don't know why I just said booya.

Plus, I haven't been worrying like I should have. I have shit coming up that's important - taxes, for one, but also grad school shit and other boring stuff including travel. The first priority really is to get the taxes done, but I still have no idea how to do anything. I guess I'll just fuck around online and see what they say. PLUS I haven't started taking any classes like I promsied I would and haven't fucked with my new sewing machine. The only thing I've consistently been working on is eating healthier and exercising every day (minimum of a 30 minute walk each day), and ya know, I'm proud of that, I just I was doing more. And of course I missed the deadline for a bunch of places already; the voice class I wanted to take, the first voice over class down the street from where I work, and tons of internship deadlines, not to mention the other schools that I've just now found out about - state schools yeah, but they seem more my style anyway. (cheaper. is the style, in case you didn't know.)

So I guess the only thing to do is to do something. I'm just putting this out there so that when I read this in a week like I usually do, I'll remember how I should stop reading this at work, get off my fucking lazy ass and finish what I started. Or I could be better and make myself a checklist and do at least ONE big thing this week and into the weekend. Whether that be apply for internships or finish the paper or crack open the sewing machine or sign up for classes, by the end of this weekend, at least one of those will be done. This is me Officially Sending Out My Positive Energy To The Universe so maybe it will help in nudging on my path I've set out; that's all it really is, I just need to take the steps. And if it's the wrong path? Fuck, whatever, I'll figure it out. Chalk it up to experience.

So this isn't just a glorious bitchfest, I will say that this morning did go by rather quickly - I installed 2 keyboard trays, one for Bill and one for myself, and now my fingers feel incredibly better when typing; I've actually increased my wpm... but have also increased my errors, come to think of it. I can only get better, really.

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