Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Weekend and Worry

This weekend was an interesting one. But enough about that. I just got an email from Leah saying we're having our lunch today (woo!) but she wants me to take a short walk with her in an hour (boo). I had a feeling this was coming up, and I am still nervous. I'm going to just try and not care, because you know what? This isn't the end of the world, even if I get in trouble, it's not. Even if I lose my job, it's not. And I'm pretty sure that I won't lose my job; the worst that could happen is that I'd be on a watch and couldn't take off any days - I have been taking a lot of vacation and away from desk time. Way more than a lot of people do. I think it will just be about that. YES I am going to see my friend's wedding, and YES it is a long time away from the desk, but that's what I believe in right now in my life. I believe in my friends and and family way more than anything this stupid job could ever offer me, and I know that no matter what happens, at least I can truly say that I work to live, not live to work. This will not be the end of Ben Knoll.

So yes, this weekend was full of mostly normalcy. Saturday was a fun romp around the neighborhood going to garage sales and looking at bikes; it was a magnificent weekend. On Sunday, we actually WENT on the hike we were supposed to go on but never got around to it, mostly because the parking was full at Phoenix Lake. Beautiful! Went and saw some friends of ours in Thoroughly Modern Millie, which was spectacular for a high school production. I went and hung out at the Gasparini household, and that was fun as well.

Yesterday was filming for Mission Street Rhapsody. I met Benjamin and Peter Bratt, as well as the two people starring in the film. They are all very nice people who are deeply involved in this really nice project. It was the usual hurry up and wait process that is film, but it was a lot of fun, and I got to dance a lot with a surprising amount of homophobic actors. I doubt anyone will think we're gay, just really good dancers, because after all, that's what the real world is; gay people don't really ever touch each other, they just are really good dancers on the ground, all of whom are incredibly fit. I just love the real world. Too bad I don't exist in it.

Grr. Worried about this walk later. I just don't really know what will be said? Will I not have a job today? Will I cry like a baby like I usually do when confronted with the problems that I cause? Will I not care? Jeez, I have no idea. Does Bonny know already too? Have they been interviewing people? You know, I really don't care, and it would probably be a blessing in disguise if I actually didn't work here anymore. Maybe I'd find a job I actually enjoy, or one in my field... or something else that wouldn't feel like a bottomless pit of despair sometimes. The real weirdness is though, is that I'm not terrible at this job. I'm apparently one of the better employees they've ever had here. Sure, nobody's perfect, but I do this job well, and I do get a sense of pride with a job well done. But if something in my PROFESSION in my CAREER pops up, I have to grab it. There's no question. Even with the willows, I HAVE to do it. Ah well, it's what we do as theatre people.

Then again, maybe I'll just get in trouble for saying that I'm going to get fired to some people. I am legitimately worried.

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