Warming Up

As always, this is my warmup post for when I need to write something. Also, it'll help me document the mediocre shit in my life that happened this weekend. So... yay? Where did we last leave off...

Friday went by relatively quickly, and I busted my ass to get to Martinez at 6 (when we were called) and we didn't start until 7. That is officially the last time I bust my ass to get to anything at the Willows other than a pizza party. The rehearsal itself was pretty fun; still don't know the words, but neither do a lot of people, so a surprising amount had their books out to glance tiny peeks at the cheat sheet. We sounded great. And the Martinez waterfront is beautiful when the sun is setting, especially when the fires are still making some Mood Smoke. Also, Carbon Monoxide, but that just makes you sleepy. We ended early (yay!) and I went home and had my now daily vice of Taco Bell. (That's changing today with New Leaf.) Whilst I was gone, Monica's friend Ryn came from Seattle and stayed with us at our place. She's nice.

Saturday was filled with egg bacon cheese muffins for breakfast and a day of Monica having to go to tech, so to cut the awkward with Ryn, we went and saw The Incredible Hulk - quite amazing. It's better than the other Hulk, but I'm not a hater of that movie. This one was much more true to the roots though, especially the television show. The casting was a little better on all the parts as well. I sure hope they make a Hulk Grey sequel before they just have him on a rampage in The Avengers. But then again, I'm not Hollywood, so they can do whatever they want. Ryn was a good companion at the movie. I of course ate too much popcorn.

That evening Monica and I went to see Cabaret at SF Playhouse. It was disappointing. The crowd seemed to love it... but it was opening night, so they probably were some good supporters. Anyway, as we do when we're frustrated, after the show Monica was worried about picking up Ryn from the whatever, and I wanted to talk to some people. We were frustrated with each other, and combine that with being exhausted... it just wasn't a very good formula for being nice to one another. We noticed it as soon as we left, and I was happy to apologise as to how much of a douche I was. She apologised too. We were both pretty weird that evening. I think it was the disappointment of the show.

"Ah," you say, "The evening's over now, surely sleeping is quite simple, and a fresh new day can start tomorrow." That's the problem: we went to the bar that Ryn was hanging out at to pick her up, and she wasn't ready to leave. I'm glad we really didn't need to worry. Getting home, we relaxed for a bit, and just as I was drifting to slumberland, Monica saw a rat run across the floor. Que Ben Being A Man and going out to the floor and picking up all our shit and putting it on the couch, all while stomping to show the rat that I'm coming, so he has plenty of time to run away. I only have half visions of that evening; I remember lying in bed, hearing about the rat, and then being up and putting stuff away, and then lying down again. It was a strange, dreamlike experience that I think if we weren't woken up again later in the evening by (another? the same?) rat, I would have thought I dreamt it. But more rat stuff through the night. "But that must be it, Ben?" Not quite. At around 3AM, Monica got a call from Ryn's ride to the house, saying they were lost.

Now, Monica had given really good directions as to get to her house. She's really good at giving directions. These people were just drunken idiots. So when she went out on the balcony to tell them yes, you are right there, and no, stop driving away, I can see your car, come back, they backed up the car right into her car, and we had insurance swapping to happen! To my ever shame, I was unable to find my shoes in time to come out and see what was going on, but I doubt I would have been much of a help. And whatever I think now, I don't know what I would have done in the actual moment, so I can't say anything for sure. So there you have it. I made it back to sleep, Monica didn't, and the next day came.

Sunday was a pancake day for us; my stack of pancakes was 10 inches high, full of fluffy, ill formed, and delicious pancakes. I put so much butterscotch and chocolate chips that it's a miracle they didn't just disintegrate without the batter. Monica's mum came over, and was a little snarky: "It's a good thing you don't want kids, you'd never survive a night without sleep." To which I replied, "It's Sunday morning, so we're luxuriating." Then we ate pancakes to the talk of her mom telling us how to use rat poision. Yum.

Later I went home, took a shower, and played some Team Fortress 2. There are so many idiots on there, but I had a good time shooting them as a heavy, so that made me feel a little bit better. And then and then! We went to see Wall*E! Best movie of the year. By far. It had more in common with silent films than sci fi, but it had a great anticonsumerist and ecological message that rang very true throughout the entire film. Great great great. I can see it again and again and again.

Then rehearsal for me which lasted too long, and with better word memorization; still kept my book on stage with me though. Two weeks is too damn hard to learn a full score, geez! Especially for volunteers! Taco Smell again. No more of that: gave me a tummy ache.

And that brings us to today. This weekend I found that I was paid on Friday instead of today, and I don't really know how I feel about that. I have a sneaking suspicion that today is the day I will no longer have a job... it would be fine with me, but I need to know soon so I can really up my job hunting time. And the unknown is always hard... but at least I'll have some video games as friends. Also, this was a pretty good warming up post. I think I can start my writing now. Thanks.

The Stage Is Pretty Cool

As Always, Should Be Working On Lines

Chillin after lunch. Had a good one at Baja Fresh with Monica. It was nice to see her; it's so rare that we see each other conscious recently. Last night is the exception, as well. But even then, we went to bed pretty fast. And tonight, well, gotta go to Martinez to run the show (theoretically). There might even be an orchestra tonight. Or maybe they would have forced me out of the show for not knowing my part because I've never done it before.

That's the real trouble with this, as discussed a little bit with Monica over lunch: this show is done so quickly, and eventually off book, that it really is for the people who've done it before, whether it be 8 years or 1, but they should have said they couldn't keep me simply because I wouldn't be able to learn it in time. Combine that with the fact that they haven't kept their promises... well, I'll tough my way through it - having a good time with the songs when I have my book out - and it's a good credit, but goddamn if I'll know better than to do something else at the Willows. Then again, they'll just offer me something with equity points sooner or later and I'll go crawling back. Maybe when gas goes down to 3.99 again. Hello savings!

Um. I've been reading PvP. It started out pretty stupid, and then graduated to mildly hilarious with some gems, but seriously folks, it's no Penny Arcade. And that's why they're the best webcomic out there: they've eclipsed all the other webcomics (somehow) and become their own entity. They're living fullly from their art, and that's pretty fantastic. Well, the creator of PvP is too, so that's good. I think he is. No idea really.

And back to boredom. I hope rehearsal tonight isn't hideously long, but if it is I have my lines to study. Then again, it might be quick; it's supposed to just be a run through of all of the stuff. And theoretically the show's only supposed to be 45 minutes long. Pretty cool if you ask me.

It'll be over in a week.

Artificial Sunsets Make Me Sleepy

Now I get what the fires are doing to the light: they're making the entire day look like it's sunset, which is seriously messing with my vibes. Maybe THAT'S why I've been exceedingly tired all week; it's just the weather making me thing it's perpetually time to watch some television, play some games, and go to bed. For that matter, maybe that's why I've been wanting to just watch television, play games, and go to bed all week, instead of everything else that's on my plate. Nevertheless, it's beautiful to watch the distilled sunlight filter through the trees and see the orange glow on the ground here. Beauty keeps me distracted from the ever battering of my soul.. and here comes one of the soul suckers now! Oh goofus, how hilarious (sarcasm) are.

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I am exceedingly happy I didn't go to rehearsal last night. I don't think I've ever felt that way before. Yes, there's work that needs to be done, but I as sure as hell can get there tonight and I'll certainly work my ass off. It was funny though, rather than play video games or anything like that, I simply read all night. I probably can't say I'm a gamer anymore, if when given a chance I would turn to books (comic or otherwise) over video games.

Maybe it's because deep down inside I'm kind of afraid of Team Fortress 2. I mean, I've only played it a little bit, and had my ass handed to me. But... why should I be afraid of it? I think I'm mostly afraid of the stupid people online, and the fact that I don't have any friends to play it with, and the slow realization that my friends with 360's are unable to play with me on the PC version of it. Sigh. Oh well, that's what new friends are for! Or new enemies, when they explode my face. Shrug. I still haven't finished Half Life 2, now that I think of it. Or BioShock. Or any game I've tried to play in the past 6 months. Goddamn theatre.

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I'm smelly. I haven't taken a shower in a couple of days - no time really, and Monica's bathroom isn't conducive to people of Ben size. What I really need is to just have some time to not do anything, I had a taste of that last night, and I want more more more. I'll have a couple of days after Muir Fest is over, but then we start right into Midsummer, and I should have those fucking lines down shortly thereafter.

Speaking of thereafter, haven't got a call from 42nd Street Moon. Granted, their show is much later in the season, but I would love to start to assemble my schedule for after Midsummer. Either that, or they don't want me. Which is completely fine with me; I'm used to rejection, but I know if I'm ever a casting director or an artistic director, I'll send at the very least a email to all the rejected people saying the standard we can't use you right now or whatever the fuck they say to be nice. Truthfully, it is nice, and we can get on with our lives, as well as it actually, most of the time, being the truth; there are only so many parts and much more actors. It just wouldn't kill them to throw me in the mix every once in a while. I'm talking to you every theatre out there. Oddly enough, I'm still pretty positive.

I think Oddly might be a good name for a character in Age of Conan. Or some other roleplaying game. Ooooh, even better in D&D, an illusionist or something... cool. Well, maybe my mind isn't completely gone from gaming.

Mail time. I'll be back later.

Real Life Stage Lighting

Hope hope hope. Put some good energy out there for me, will you? I found a job from craigslist for Good Earth Natural Foods, right in Fairfax - hello biking and walking distance! Today I sent in a text version of my resume so that in case they didn't get my pdf yesterday for some unknown reason, they'll now have this to love and cherish. Tomorrow I'm going to call them and see what the application process is like; shows eagerness and willing too. I really hope I get it. I'd like to be able to bike to work, and to have a little bit of creativity in my day. It would be practically perfect for me... well if it had theatre involved too it would be better, but other than that... yes it would!

Last night I experienced typical Rich behavior of not respecting actors and blah blah blah. So I left early. You heard me right: I had no reason to leave early, but I just left, saying I needed to go, and then walked out. This whole process, while fun whenever the music director is there, is hideously stupid when we actually have the artistic director around. But that's how it was with Sunrise, why would it be any different now? It isn't. Fuck them. At least with Sunrise they paid us, and treated us with a little bit of respect that is due to actors. For this... no pay, and here we are, not being told how important we are; at least not by the director, our music director/composer is very complimentary. He's the reason I haven't quit all together; he's really helping me with my music.

However, tonight's rehearsal is in Danville. They sprung that on us. Either it was already there in the schedule (likely, now that I look at it) and I didn't just register it, or they just said SURPRISE, get ready to drive! It's more likely the former... but I've never thought about skipping a rehearsal more than I have with this one. The more I think about it... the more I'm going to do it. I can make up some crappy excuse like the car broke down or something like that: we're not called till 8, and released at 10.. and while rehearsing with the orchestra is important, we'll have the opportunity to do it Friday, Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday. Also... I've worked with an orchestra before. I really need to think on this. People are missing those rehearsals all the time; that's what you get with volunteers. A night off would be nice. Never thought it would come to me missing rehearsals...

What else is new? I had a callback yesterday for this great , and then was given another one today, to read with one of the actors already cast! It's a great project, but I can't talk about it; I'll just say that I'm excited, and would love to be a part of it.

The light's been very strange here ever since the fires. It makes these wonderful shadows on the ground from the small trees outside. It almost looks as if we're in a theatre, and it's a direct leko light on the ground from offstage. Yes, I'm a geek. But it's beautiful.

New Jobs and Plays

Okay fine. I'll finish up Mountain Days. Even without a reimbursed driving thing, I'll think of it as a class for music that only lasts two weeks. And in reality, it doesn't even do that; it's another show to put on my resume, and another reason for the Willows to hire me again - especially in one of their musicals. I mean... come on! I'd love to work there again. They may be a little weird to work for, but they're a legit equity point theatre! And last night's rehearsal was very fun. So there you have it. A few more weeks without video games - I can do that.

So yes, I actually am having fun volunteering my time. That isn't to say that I have not sent out my complaint out there; this morning I wrote to Rich saying that... hey, I'm happy do to this, but you know what would be really nice? If you paid me like you said you would. Yeah, that would be great. A little nicer than that, actually.... but that was the gist of it, and Rich likes me well enough for me to be frank with him.

I applied to 5 places today, mostly just admin shit around here, but one that I REALLY want (thanks Monica for sending me the link!) is with Good Earth, the organic food store around here. It pays about the same I make now, and is the same kind of work, except there's also minor graphics work! How cool would that be please? I'm thinking I might want to bring in a sampling of doodles and shit I've created, who knows, they might like my style. Either that or I can whip little cute things on photoshop. Or just cats. Whatever! If it was in my daily life, I would get better; I want to try and sell myself on the fact that I'm a good admin, and I live like... NEXT DOOR, so being late wouldn't be a problem. We'll see. I have a good feeling about it... and maybe good feelings will work, since it is vibe central - Fairfax.

I really sometimes have to stop just bitching about my job all the time but it is pretty bad.

I know, I know. Stop bitching about work. It takes over my life though. It really does. I want to stop bitching, but when the bulk of your life is something boring and unbearable, it's hard to think about anything else. And I have to stop complaining that it's only 10 and I've only been here for 2 hours. Can you believe that? Only 2 hours. How the fuck have I kept doing this throughout the past year and a half without burning my face (or others') off? Money, probably. But without the time to have fun with the money, what is the point? AGH.

Okay. Must amuse self. I wonder if I could bring LOTRO here in the days... oh man. That might actually be tempting. Maybe that's a lunch trip.

So anyway. My morning has been composed of applying for new jobs, and recently I thought to myself how I really wanted to Get The Fuck Out Of Here, and then I thought... well why not look for jobs in other cities... which is where I found http://losangeles.craigslist.org/lac/npo/727069623.html. Which made me happy, and am applying for it as we speak. It would mean that I would need to move to LA (oh gosh darn) and work in theatre full time (man, oh man), but it's a sacrifice I would be able to make.

Done. Applied. Very good cover letter, if I must say so (thanks, Monica! You helped a lot!)

What else? I'm a little gassy today, so this is one of the rare times that I'm glad I'm the only one at the front office; whew! Awkwardness abounds!

Wow, I'm really soul sucked today. Nothing much else to say about it really... um. Yeah.

Mostly Just A Recap

Completely forgot I had an audition tonight at Berkeley Playhouse for Big Friendly Giant. I just sent them an email asking for the performance dates; wouldn't want to waste anyone's time by auditioning for a show I couldn't be in anyway because of whatcha call it, Midsummer. I hope it works out, I really want to work with them, but if it doesn't, it doesn't, and I'm not really in a pickle there; they don't even offer equity points... so I really should keep them off my radar for now. I have enough theatre friends in Ray of Light to fill my "I love this company and would work for them for no points" quota.

Sigh, more stuff to do. Who would have thought that I had so much to do at work.

So what else... yesterday I went to a rehearsal of Mountain Days, which was fun. The choral stuff is far beyond what I'm used to, so it's more of a challenge of working with that than anything else, which is great! I've been singing better lately, and this is a really good opportunity to keep in practice and work more on learning what the notes actually mean that are on the page. Right on. Plus the other perks don't hurt. The show itself is pretty cheesy, but I don't mind that. Plus, it's only 45 minutes long, so it'll be an easy run! Ta da!

Not much else to say. Really excited for Rocky, I hope I get it. OH yeah! And we ran into Wendell the other day and he said he wanted to be in it... as Rocky! Funny how that works; he'd actually be a good Rocky, and it's just the fact that it's ingrained in my head that Rocky is an arian looking dude that it didn't even cross my mind. But yes, he would actually be a good one. It'd be fantastic to work on; super excited, and I know I shouldn't get my hopes too far up.

Nothing much else to say. I'm kinda happy with Mountain Days right now, but a little like... "guh, why did I do this again? Oh yeah, the whole pay it forward thing." Part of me just isn't in the mood for doing a show and then immediately jumping into another one. But the other part of me that beats the real part to the ground says, "hey ben, you're a working actor, so you should probably be doing this."

Rocky Margarita

Just had a little dip in the pool with a VERY strong margarita in hand. Not in the pool, just on the side, where I needed it. Nice swim; WAY WAY too hot here today, and I thought I was better, living in the gauntlet that is Missouri. Blah, whatever. It's just the laptop that's keeping me really warm now... time to move to the floor...

Ahh. Much better under the fan. So anyway, Smash Mouth last night was pretty amazing. They seemed like they were coasting through their show, but after all, it is just Petaluma, so I don't blame them. It was still good, and they did some great numbers, including a Van Halen song. Who knew? The rest of the fair was kinda stupid, but we did get to have some delicious/disgusting fair food... yum!

This morning we got up INCREDIBLY early to go to Bubba's and have breakfast with Meal Club. Everyone was really tired, but it made me happy that they got up to basically help with our schedule of having to go to an audition later in the morning. I love my friends. They're really good people, and I'm planning to keep in touch with Keith when he moves to Boston. And Drew, but for some reason I don't think he's actually going to move... but maybe he is... meh whatevs.

AND! Rocky auditions went amazingly well! I wouldn't be surprised if they offered me Eddie like... right now *stares at phone*.. okay, we can wait for a bit. Both Monica and I auditioned incredibly well; she blew everyone out of the water with her song, and did a really good job with her monologue - she was given a hard one too! Right on Monica! I really want to do that show.

As for the rest of the day, I might head over and play some video games... or more likely go sit on the porch and study my lines in a little bit. That would be the smart thing to do... sigh... poor LOTRO, sitting there patiently...

Hilarious Craigslist of the Day

Help! I need someone to write 3 1/2 pages about .... (mountain view)

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Reply to: gigs-726501115@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-06-20, 9:26AM PDT


the pros and cons of love for my social psych class. I need it in about two hours. I am in a time crunch and I need to do other work and besides I just broke up with my boyfriend and it is not the best topic to write about but I already told my teacher I was writing it. font new times roman microsoft word size 12.I live in mountain view and I can pay you upon receievment. Thanks.

• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: 70 dollars

Pretty hilarious if you ask me. Silly students.

(Original.)

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How's my day? Fine. Just applying for jobs and looking for some auditions.

Look At What I'm Not Doing!

I'm not going over my lines! Hah! I haven't gone over them in a day! Woo! That needs to change, but for some reason right now I'm feeling really silly about it. I really need to get started on those; Shakespeare, while I make fun of it as being too high and mighty, still gives me the willies, and I need to work work work on those fuckers. It'll get done. I'm still coasting on the good vibes that came from the great audition at 42nd Street Moon! Woo!

Okay, back to business. Oh yay Monica's home! We get to go for a walk or for a swim or for something now: more procrastinating from lines! WOOT. Or maybe it'll just be more CSI, I love watching this show. Too bad I've been watching so much that now I'm seeing repeats... but you know what? The show is fucking awesome enough that it doesn't matter.

Alright, alright. I'm going to at least take a look at them now. Or hug Monica.

Gotta Love the Jailbreak Community

My phone decided to erase all media when I plugged it into Monica's computer. Kinda sucky, but it turned out to be okay eventually; coming home I simply plugged my phone in, tried to update a movie, saw it couldn't, and restored the phone (3-4 min). "Aw man, I'm going to have to restore EVERYTHING on the jailbreak. Boo to that. I'll be here... oh, it's done jailbreaking." I love my phone. And the community it spawned.

Oooh, new version of voice notes. Hm. Don't know if I like it as much. I might rock out the most recent beta. Unless I can pull the voice files out of the phone like I used to, using Fugu. Hm. Now Fugu isn't working. Shit. Ah, thank you google. You saved my life yet again. I feel a thrill sometimes when doing something like this; after all, there is a chance I could totally fuck up my phone. Aha! You CAN pull the voice notes from the iphone over wifi... the only problem now is converting them to mp3... but that's something for another time.

This was a fun evening.

It was kinda as I thought. D&D game was just a bunch of people who haven't grown up. They weren't mature gamers like I am, just sorta stupid folk who say stupid things and were stupid. I did get to see Kung Fu Panda last night, and was very pleasantly surprised. Good for Dreamworks; really happy that they've done something other than just make Shrek movies over and over. But nevertheless, it was an amazing movie! And I'm not going into the rest of the night; just dumb people that I'm not going to dwell on anymore.

So here we are. Back to the day. I wish I was part time right now. What really gets me is that this is all I think about; bitching about work. I wish I could just accept it and move on with my life to work on WHATEVER, music, theatre, blah, but instead I dwell on things while I'm here, even if there's nothing to dwell on. That's probably the worst part about it: even my rebellious nature is wasted on work! Instead of rebelling and working on lines, or writing, or music, or finding a class to take... whatever, anything BUT this fucking place. I need to work on that. I really do. Today then. Today I will, since there's nothing goddamn better to do.

A first step is this, really. Shouldn't be too hard on myself. By keeping a journal, I keep something coming out of my mind and on to (virtual) paper, and am also using this time to keep away from doing actual work... that looking around here really seems nonexistent. Yes, there's stuff to put away in the supply room, but it's not in DIRE NEED to happen.

Bleh, starting to feel that stagnation in my life setting in again. Must do something to fix that.

Mostly Random

Again, more odd energy at work. These past few days have been very strange: people walking around my desk, and staying for long periods of time, not talking to me, just talking to each other or reading the paper or simply staring into space, weird fluxes of work that are so easy I want to punch someone in the face, yet they still talk to Leah first, as if I've never done anything like this before.

Also, much like the tool I am, I received my headset today for this godawful phone system. The headset is sub par, but it does release me from having to crane my neck all day. Happy about that, not so much happy about it being a dumb device. So that's contributing to MY weird energy. Bleh. I'll just be much happier once this day is over and I'm onto my audition and gaming tonight. Bad mood though, I'm almost not even looking forward to tonight, and that's almost blasphemy in my book.

Nothing much else to report. I might try and go for a walk today, but then I might just try and work on lines in the car, get that scene solid, and get my mind off of everything. I also might go buy Age of Conan, to get that over with. But when I start calling games "getting over with", I might need to reconsider whether or not I want to buy it in the first place. Whatever, I'll figure it out, and get it if I get it, don't if I don't. It's not a big deal right now.

I've been really strangely worried about these lines. I know I haven't even started rehearsal yet, but the lines themselves are numerous, duh it's the best part in the show, and it's been a long time since I've had to carry a show, let alone a Shakespeare piece. So I'm stressing out about it a little early, but I'll make sure to have them down, or at least familiar with them, as the rehearsals start. That way, it'll be easy to pick up everything else. Guess I decided what I'm going to do during my lunch. Let's get that first scene down.

Warming up

It's been a few days since I've worked on a review, so I'm going to warm up by writing in here for a bit, before work clogs up my time and I end up doing stupid shit the entire day. Wow, bitch about work much?

But that's why: as soon as I typed that, several projects were dumped onto my lap, most of which were quick and easy, but some were incredible busy work that will probably take the majority of my day. So much for writing. Wait, that's what I'm going to do FIRST. Haha, take that, people on a deadline. They really need to chill out anyway.

The pirate festival was pretty amazing. The best festival I've ever been to, and I've been to approximately 3, so this is saying something. The best part about it was that it didn't take itself too seriously; at the other faires/fests I've been to, the people were very into what was accurate and blah blah blah, with pirates, it's all about having fun and singing and rocking out! That didn't stop me from making fun of the turkeys though. Silly turkeys. Yelp review later. OH! And the place where the festival was - AMAZING! Right on the water in Vallejo. So fun fun fun!

Fairfax festival was fun, but the true spirit of it goes to the people who grew up in Fairfax and can see all the people that come back for the festival - indeed, this is the one time that MANY people come back from everywhere in the country. It certainly is a magical experience for people who grew up in town... but that is lost on anyone who didn't, and the festing itself can be breezed through in under 2 hours. Monica, on the other hand, saw SO many friends of hers and had a blast. I... had some drink, and made some new friends who were in the same "3rd wheel" boat as me. It was a good time, all in all, but next year, I'll go see a movie in the afternoon. No offense, M! I love ya! Just... that's what I gotta do!

Wow... busy weekend. After Fairfax Festival we went to the Gasparinis to have some delicious dinner and some delicious graduation party for Danny and Kasie. Congratulations to them! It was fun, and I'm still eating cookies. They're Good People. I love having good people in my life. When I become super rich, I'm going to be the person who can have all the friends over. Wow, and after the pirate festival the next day, we went to Sam's house and had food and a mediocre tony award show. It was fun to see all our friends from Hair. Despite me not really liking that show itself (aside from the dancing, that was GREAT), I loved the people.. they might be the kind of friends you keep the rest of your life, and that's an amazing thought.

Okay, time to write this motherfucker.

Good

Morning.

As I usually do, I procrastinate in the mornings, even when what I have to do is pretty fun. My theory is that it's still before 8, so I shouldn't feel bad about not doing any work, for this job or my moonlighting ones.

Yesterday was a busy day, and I wasn't able to hang out with M for any time at all; I had work and show, she had work and rehearsal. We were able to see each other sleepily, briefly this morning and yesterday evening. It was nice, even though I am getting a little tired of a dirty apartment. That'll be a project for us this weekend. ("Yeah right," says the voice in my head, "when will you have time for THAT?!")

Tis Pity wasn't entertaining. I'm just glad I brought a notepad; I feel like a real writer now. Although I suppose I should start actually working on that... in a few, in a few.

WOW I really do feel like this is my job now: I don't want to do it! Hahaha! I do have a good way to start it; thank gods for volunteer gigs, I can almost do whatever I want in the writing. I do have to say though, this is the last time (unless I do it for a living) that I'll be going to four shows in a row, and trying to get something out the day after. It's just too hard when you have a soul sucking job to contend with as well.

At least it's friday.... THE THIRTEENTH!!! AHHHHH. Weird mood today. Maybe it's the coffee. Another cup!

Mysterious Circumstances

Leah (quite possibly my primary antagonist... or at least a negative force in my life) has been leaving and going to "meetings in San Rafael" almost every other day for the past two weeks. I'm pretty sure she's interviewing new people, but of course I may not be sure of that. I've been so isolated with everything going on here, I don't really know IF there are, indeed, meetings going on in San Rafael that make perfect sense. Maybe, maybe not. It seems suspicious to me. I might end up confronting her passive aggressive attitudes and ask her what's going on. Then again, I really don't care enough, so I'm probably not going to do that. If she accepts my part time offer, so be it, and if not... well I wanted to get out of here anyway, and I'll just quit on my own terms.

Nervous. Excited. Mostly nervous. Monica was talking about how she thinks this recession we're in is only going to get worse and worse, with people losing their houses and no work anywhere. She thinks it might be as bad as the 30's, only now we don't have any survival skills that the farmers did. I mean, I know how to swordfight: that counts, doesn't it? In my heart of hearts, I worry for that too, but when I think about it, I can probably just get a dumbass retail job if I can't find another soul sucking one... and I WILL find a new job, I have some good skills now after this (admittedly, not as bad as I say) job. They hired me fresh faced and new, and now I know what to do when it comes to dumb, corporate office work.

What I am hoping for is that the Berkeley Playhouse calls me in for their part time position: I'd be working for a theatre, plus it's part time enough for me to pursue my dreams. That'll work until I run out of money and need another office job. What does suck for sure is that I probably don't have any good references here anymore: the only person who would have done something to help me would have been Tim, and he's so far gone from here that any letter of recommendation wouldn't know what I can do. I don't dare ask Leah.... I guess there are a few pals here that could write one, but nothing that was direct contact with me... like Leah is. Then again, these days she and I can go almost the entire day without talking, so maybe it's not as bad as I thought.

I think I'm more nervous than I ever could imagine. Yes, I want to get out of this place, but I always hoped that I would be cast in some bigass show or something and had to leave, not something like this, not the stupid unknown. What a racket. Well, as usual, I'm still going to put it out there, and won't back down from what I want to do with my life. That is, until we all lose our jobs and I need to learn how to hunt and kill for my food.

Busy Bee!

I've stepped up my job search to "ludicrous" and for the past couple of hours have been feeling guilty every time I opened this window to type a little bit. Granted, this is the first thing I've been typing, so I think my guilt won out, and I applied for 8 jobs already this morning, all with (mostly) different cover letters. Rock on. Plus, I had hideous busy work, just finished, and had a review to write for High School Musical. Just finished that as well, and happily, it's almost time for lunch!

When did I last write here? I can't remember. I guess I'll just start where I feel like it.

Friday I was sick. Like nasty sick. I was in bed or watching TV most of the day, and it felt like a wonderful thing; I had also taken Monday off for Berkeley Rep and CalShakes - later in the post - so a part of me felt really happy that I was getting an impromptu 4 day weekend! Watching an amazing amount of Legally Obtained television shows, I found a new favorite in Pushing Daisies. Not just because people break into song for no apparent reason, not just because the main character makes pies AND is a detective, not just because there's super powers, but because there are some awesome Broadway diva's on the show as full time characters! Woo! It helped me through my day like an old friend.

Saturday was Mountain Play! Yay!! (?) For the most part, a wonderful time was had by Monica, David G (our temporary friend for the day) and I. That's too silly a statement about David, he's a really cool dude, one of Monica's old teachers, and quite a lively personality. Plus, we drank beer together, so that automatically puts us on another step up in the friendship ladder. I was still a little sick through the day, and the mountain heat didn't help, but the company of friend and lover made things easy and the day pass relatively quickly. Saw some friends from Hair, and then saw the show. Average show, but entertaining nonetheless. Bruce was fantastic of course. So was Erik. It's really Cowardly Lion's show though. After the event, I schmoozed with Jim some, put the bug in his ear about me being in Man of La Mancha; he'll forget until I tell him again, but starting it now is good.

Sunday... can't remember what I did Sunday at the moment. Weird. I think I rested. Pretty sure about that... but can't quite remember. Monica? What did we do Sunday? Put it in the comments please. I only remember selecting an audition outfit later in the day (pinstripe pants, blue shirt, Jerry Garcia tie... EXCELLENT!) and hanging out with Mom and Tim bitching about family. Oh right. Sunday. Now I remember. It's funny how we push bad experiences out of our heads when we've had good ones. Monica's a better storyteller for this, so maybe she'll write it in the comments, but let's just say we hung out with her dad for much longer than I ever would want to hang out with someone of his nature. Also, we had lunch.

Monday was my Berkeley Rep audition at 9am in... Berkeley! We then had a slot scheduled for later in the day; 10:30 for me, not bad all things considered. Walked on over to Peets, got myself a delicious iced mocha, and sat down to check my email, etc. on my iPhone. A few minutes later I heard, "Is that Ben?" and saw Hector, the director of Midsummer standing next to me! We talked for a few minutes, him saying how happy he was that I was back in the show, and me saying I was most happy as well! He started walking out the door, and I took my chance to ask him about his company up in Rodent Puke, PASCO, about the generals. He then just said "we can talk about it, I'm sure there's something for you this season." How cool is that! Is my hard work paying off? Something is happening. Gotta just keep putting it out there!

That afternoon was CalShakes, which went very well... as well! I messed up and flipped some of the words around, but other than that, it went stupendously. Plus, I had a day off of work, AND Monica and I were able to spend the evening together, which is always a wonderful time. I can't remember the last time we were able to actually spend just some sit on ass time with each other.

Tuesday was fun. I went to work practically bulletproof because of the discussion. It even was a shorter day; I would be leaving at 3, to get to Woodminster at 4:30, and then down to San Jose by 7:30 to see High School Musical. The day passed rather quickly, I had a shit ton of busy work to do, and then when 3 rolled around, Leah wasn't around to watch the phones. Waiting for a bit, I decided Fuck It and called Michaele to work the phones while I Got the Hell Out of There.

(Tangent, a nice breeze just came through the window, it cut the warm day and reminded me of days leading up to summer in St. Louis.)

Monica met me at the ferry building and we headed over to eastbayland to find Woodminster. Found it fine, and had a great audition! What is up with me and great auditions lately? I don't know, but it's awesome! Afterwards, we headed down to San Jose, had a meal at Peggy Sue's (where we will only eat if we have PLENTY of time next time) and headed over to the show.

I just wrote a big ol' piece about this, so I don't feel like writing much more, but I will say that it was a wonderful show! All it takes to have a good show is to throw money at it, I say! Also, good actors... but money helps that too. Went home, slept, and here we are.

Tonight is Hairspray at the Orpheum; soooo happy it's closer than SJ. And even though writing every day seemed like a good idea a month ago... I'm weary of how it will work this week. Ah well, just this week and I'll be done for a while; besides, it keeps my writing chops well toned and sexy.

Okay, back on my head.

Test audio post.

More Reviewing News

Received an email today, correspondence between Edge and 42nd St Moon. Since I've auditioned for them before, they don't want me reviewing shows there; conflict of interest. This is why a pseudonym is formed, but I guess it didn't go through entirely.

So this week will be the exception, and I'll be heading in. What was really cool about it though was that Kevin (with Edge) wrote a really sweet email back to her saying quite good things about my writing. It's one thing to hear it from friends and family, but this is the first time I've heard it from someone outside that bubble of protection: it was fun to hear, to say the least. I just hope it doesn't make things awkward for other shows to review.

Nothing much else is new. I'm still sick, so will be resting today so I can feel better tomorrow.
I'm eating a delicious donut, and contemplating driving up and surprising Monica later at work. I've decided I'll do it if I feel better. I certainly hope I do!

Um. That's it! I'm going to rest now.

Irony, don't you thnk?

SO! Turns out it was more than a warning. Well, more than a warning about straightening up and flying right.. it's that Leah's going to reduce the 3 office workers to 2. And the second would just be one person working the office, someone full time. So someone like me, an artist who doesn't want to stay there the entire time, who doesn't want to "commit to the office," despite my hard work and... well, lack of devotion, but certainly a sense of duty that the goddamn fucking job needed to be done.

So what do they want? They want a soulless drone, someone with previous administrative experience. My guess? Single mom who needs to be in this position, someone who's soul is sucked so far that any scrap of imagination or creativity has long been snuffed out. What did they say when they first hired me? Something like... we encourage our employees to have extra activities. I told them when I was hired that I would need days, afternoons, off to audition, and that I would need days off simply to rest when doing a show. What a racket... but it's the only thing I truly love to do and would want to do for the rest of my life.

There's still a possibility of part time. There's still a possibility of something else. I don't care; I'm ready to move on. There are things out there for me, and I need to pursue them.

Keep thinking positive thoughts about Actor's Repertory Theatre, please!

What happened to my soul?

The plague might have reached its peak today, might not - either way, I'm still at work because I = tool. It's particularly strange, sitting at work with a scattered brain and fingers; my typing is WAY down, and every time I stand up, I need to take a breather in order to not fall over. Oh great, the mail's coming now. I hope my sickness gets passed on to everyone in the office: that'll show 'em to not give me more sick days! Hahaha!

To top it all off, I gave Leah my schedule for next week, with my auditions and such. I'm going to have to take Monday off entirely, and leave work early Tuesday. Monday's mostly greedy - I don't HAVE to take the entire day off, it's just nice. Plus I get to go to Berkeley twice... hm, gotta remember to get some bridge money for that day. Anyway, in response to this, Leah said she wants to have a lunch conversation today. Sigh. I always worry about these, but they turn out to be nothing most of the time.

She's probably going to say something like... since we don't have another front office person, I can't be doing something like that. And my defense is that it's my profession, my art, my passion. I can't just not do something like that. I could, however, go to the Berkeley Rep generals on Tuesday... but that's the same problem, really: I would be missing the full day on Tuesday. That may not be a bad idea, now that I'm thinking about it. Tuesdays are a little slower; I might be able to use that as a bargaining chip. Plus, I have another audition that evening, as well as going to HSM later. That might be a better day after all! That's what I'm going to do! If she raises a fuss, I'll say that I could possibly change the date... BUT I still would need to leave early on Monday, for my other audition. Hm hm hm... whatever! It doesn't really matter, and it isn't a good thing to micromanage that shit; everything will work out, and no matter what, I'm going to be going to those auditions.

So yeah. I'm nervous about this lunch meeting. Worst case scenario: fired. What's probably going to happen: warning.

Plague

It seems like a plague has swept the shores of Saint Anselm. Monica was floored by it, and now your hero seems to have it. An achey body, sore throat, sniffles... it might be a full blown cold. This is acceptable for the most part, but I enjoy being off work and NOT sick, simply saying that I am. It will be a sad day if tomorrow I'm floored at home, unhappy, and not reading comics or playing games. Sigh.

Although, it would be nice if I went and bought Lego Indiana Jones and/or Conan today at lunch... hm...

I got an email back from ACT, they were interested in me until I mentioned that I had no archival stuff of my carpentry work. Admittedly, I need more practice with building and painting sets, but wouldn't that come with the job? Wouldn't the trial by fire force me to become better? Quite possibly, but when they could find someone with the skills already there, I can see that appeal. They did put me on their overhire lists, so maybe I can get some training that way; I told them I wasn't completely oblivious to building sets, and if I can get work like that, hourly shit, I can build my skills.

Also, it might be time to start just volunteering to help build stuff at community theatres around here - the more stuff on my resume, the more documentation, and the more likely I'll be able to get a full time job in theatre. I could also volunteer for the Pirate Fest coming up, building stuff.

It's so weird. I thought that being a tech position was different, more apprentice oriented. Sure, I'd not know much, but as the months went by, I could get a handle of the skills and eventually gain more and more responsibility. Maybe that is how it really is handled, and for this position specifically they wanted someone with more experience. Who knows. At least I'm putting it out there; no use lying about my skills, and I wouldn't want to be in a job that was completely out of my league. So here's to overhire! And here's to continuing to put it out there!

Speaking of putting it out there, since I've seen Kai, we've been keeping in better touch, and he recommended me for a reading tonight. I read the script; it's pretty good! I betcha I'll have a fun time, even with the plague.

More goodness to come, but I just need to go take a nap in the car now.

Wow, this turned out to be really ranty.

My journey through the normal traffic of the day has been going on for over a year now and I have to try and keep my positive attitude. It's definitely getting to me. When one sees, day in and day out, angry people driving sometimes placidly, sometimes aggressively, but always with a chip on their shoulder, some kind of unhappy sacrifice to the gods of nonbeing. Is this one of those epiphanies? I think I found the right word for how I've been feeling lately: nonbeing. I still feel and laugh and love to play games, but for the bulk of my day, I don't feel like a person. I feel like some sort of decoration, a pet of the office that people enjoy talking to, but not care about who I am or what I do.

They encourage extra activities, but I still have to lie to go do them - they're more likely to let me go to an audition if I say I have a stomach illness or my mom is sick or my car broke down. I hate that. I hate the way it makes me feel; lies don't make me feel good at all, but I have to do them almost every day to make up for the fact that I need to work on my craft, my life outside of this soul sucking world.

To add to this, Leah just came up to me and treated me like I was someone new, someone who hasn't been here for a year and a half. There are things I don't know, that's true, but treating me like I'm the new kid here is just getting ridiculous. She's probably simply frustrated about other things, but I'm sure as hell tired of being treated like I don't do anything around here, and with Bonny gone, I do twice the work! Granted, the work was never hard, but since I have no heart in it, it makes up for the fact that it's simple. Seems like every little bit of time I spend here, it grates on my very being, and is making me more bitter with each passing second. I hate it and hate myself for becoming that.

Mediocrity. More and more ways in celebration of that; moving the library of the office, learning a new bit of Excel or Word or Photoshop, and remembering to capitalize the letters of those programs. I'm tired of just living in this shitty world, I want to create, I want to add something and be something and bring more of my art to a place in the world. Still, my art is decided on the whim of idiots. We just have to continue. Or find a different kind of art. Or go back to school, I guess.

My audition last night went pretty well - they didn't take out their checkbooks, but they seemed pleasantly amused, but kept their poker faces on. As we know, that doesn't mean anything or it means everything. For Midsummer, they brought me back to callbacks after a similar "no reaction" thing. Who knows what's going to happen - I hope I get it. It would be a fun change of scenery... I need that change soon, please. As you can see, my positive outlook isn't shining through at the moment.

Been in an odd mood today; very sad, almost weepy. Not a fan at all of this kind of behavior, self, not at all. Especially before an audition, a quite important one, if I might add. Boo to that. Boo to it all. I'm just not in a good mood.

It's odd. Sour moods are usually my staple here at work, and I don't really feel any different, but I sure as hell feel like it's sucking more out of me, more than usual, that is. For the most part, I've learned to deal with whatever was going on at work, just ignore it as stupid, and that we HAVE to work. It's a dumb world, yes, but that's what we have to do. Today is simply something else, more taxing somehow. I don't like it.

Could it be that my show closed yesterday? I don't think so. I don't even think that my conversations with Monica have caused me to be this way; after all, we've definitely been better before, but we've been much much worse - we're getting better, out of a funk. All of these things are causes for celebration! Plus, I have a show coming up, a good one, and maybe even an internship.

So why am I unhappy? Why are my thoughts being bogged down with stupid pettiness? It needs to go away, right now.